Mrs M
yoda76BIRTH ORDER - ONLY CHILD
March 28th 2007 01:50
Today I present the Only Child.
Simply, only children are more like first borns..
The following is from Why First Borns Rule The World and Last Borns Want To Change It by Michael Grose.
His list of characteristics of only children include:-
• Achievement oriented
• Conservative
• Confident
• Articulate
• Healthy in their self esteem
• Inflexible
Grose says that only children fall into 3 categories:-
1. The Assured Individual – are happiest working on their own
2. The Ultra Perfectionist – expect the best and usually get it.
3. The Swinger – they can be the height of sophistication one minute and throw a tantrum the next.
Here are five strategies Grose recommends if you live or work with an only child.
1. Be playful, silly and risk taker yourself
2. Don’t over indulge your child
3. Don’t see the child as a mirror of yourself
4. Encourage your single child to mix with other children
5. Make sure your single child keeps pets
What kind of parents do only children make?
They prefer to have larger families want to give their children a carefree, fun-loving childhood. However, they do not have a lot of patience and do not tolerate mess and noise very much.
Does anyone agree or disagree with this assessment of only children?
Simply, only children are more like first borns..
The following is from Why First Borns Rule The World and Last Borns Want To Change It by Michael Grose.
His list of characteristics of only children include:-
• Achievement oriented
• Conservative
• Confident
• Articulate
• Healthy in their self esteem
• Inflexible
Grose says that only children fall into 3 categories:-
1. The Assured Individual – are happiest working on their own
2. The Ultra Perfectionist – expect the best and usually get it.
3. The Swinger – they can be the height of sophistication one minute and throw a tantrum the next.
Here are five strategies Grose recommends if you live or work with an only child.
1. Be playful, silly and risk taker yourself
2. Don’t over indulge your child
3. Don’t see the child as a mirror of yourself
4. Encourage your single child to mix with other children
5. Make sure your single child keeps pets
What kind of parents do only children make?
They prefer to have larger families want to give their children a carefree, fun-loving childhood. However, they do not have a lot of patience and do not tolerate mess and noise very much.
Does anyone agree or disagree with this assessment of only children?
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Comment by David
I remember a couple of 'only childs' from my schooldays ... They both had 'older' parents ... My main observation of them was they were socially inept ...
Chaste embraces and none of that other stuff ...
David ...
Comment by Andrea
V8 Supercar Pitstop
I don't have a lot of experience with only children however I did hear that middle children (e.g. the second child of three) are the ones to watch out for.
Apparently they are the ones who get into trouble and are the black sheep of the family.
Uh-oh ... I'm married to one!!
This actually sounds a lot like me ... and I'm the youngest of two children.
Work that one out if you can!!!
A. xx
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
My daughter has a friend who is an only child and when she comes over and plays with my daughter and my son she doesn't know what's happening when my daughter and son squabble over something one minute and then are best friends the next. She doesn't get the sibling thing and how they interact.
Hi Andrea,
Well on the back sleeve of the book Grose says that middle borns are the most likely to buck the family trend.
Well I'm a third born but because there is a 9 year gap between my sister and me I also have first born/only child characteristics. Do you have a large (6 years or more) gap between you and your sibling?
Also, Grose says that gender of the parents, birth order of the parents, gender of the siblings all affect the outcome.
Thanks for the visit and the comments.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Sarah White
coolgirlsar to the rescue
One Too Many Chocolate Bars
At the moment Callum's an only child. I'm not sure which category he falls into though. LOL. I suppose he's more of the swinger type as he isn't one for being on his own (he threw the Health Visitors when he went through the 8 month anxiety clingliness early at just 2 months old). Maybe because he has a cousin who is only 3 months older and another cousin 2 years older than him and we've always seen each other every few days that he isn't a "true" only child, he never seems bothered with the sibling rivalry between the two of them, heck he even takes part in the rivalry and he doens't seem to have problems interacting with other child. He's a law unto himself that boy of mine.
I'm not sure if the list is characteristic of only children as I know plenty of people like that who aren't only children.
Now I'm off to read about other children.
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
I don't get the sibling thing either... the violence against each other?... frightens me and makes me laugh, because if I feel that strongly about something to attack someone physically, then I am well beyond the point of no return in really hurting them too? Why bother?
Aren't our treasures laid up in heaven, or am I missing the point again? *lol*
I had a theory once about only children being late developers in life, because they never have that sibling interaction that humans need to achieve self-knowledge : ergo : happiness... as I get older, I disagree with my original hypothesis as I am happier alone...
As immigrants themselves, my parents never encouraged me to socialise, added to their constant criticism (as David Says), most would’ve observed during my younger years that indeed I was (probably still am a bit) socially inept ... I never mixed ... and yet social interaction is what only children crave (and fear) the most? I love conversation, but still have difficulty contributing sometimes ... try as I might. Yet people seek me out for advice? curiouser and curiouser…
I hear my own drummer and follow his beat, for sure.
From your list above I relate to
1. Assured Individual never afraid to be alone or strut my stuff, I am proud of my achievements - most have been hard won; and 2. The (bloody) Ultra perfectionist... I drive myself nuts. I do not relate to number 3 in that section very well, but that may be denial talking too. *chuckle*
• Achievement oriented - yep , less as I get older, but still like to set and achieve personal goals.
• Conservative - I don't think anyone could accuse any Aquarian, in any order, of being conservative...*lol*
• Confident - Yes I'm confident in 'me,' most of the time...
• Articulate - "Yep, shu'nuff do trie to be ma'am"
• Healthy in their self esteem - I truly don't know what that means?
• Inflexible - yep, I work real hard at this one, having children has helped tremendously.
As a parent : So very interesting, not all true, but mostly true.
I didn't have a large family, just two children and the first thing about sibling rivalry that got me was the violence towards each other for my affections. I mean wtf, I love them both equally, as if fighting for someone’s affections is worth it if they don't care! I have sat them down often and spoken to them about the madness of this "competitiveness?" I tell them that no matter what they do, I will never love one more than the other. Full stop. But they still fight for it… madness to me?
I hate mess, but prefer a little creative clutter to idle neatness. I do hate noise which is a constant issue in our lives as I cannot tolerate it. I tell my family that if I run away from home it’ll be because of the noise… I can’t stand it.
Personally, I never understood competitiveness as it translates into relationships; I think as an only child you learn to maintain distance to keep sane. The way I have always seen it is, if someone stops loving me, what can I do? If someone I love suddenly loves someone else more, what can I do? No point beating myself up over it, or competing... I learnt that during the "divorce years" when I lost both parents.
I have dedicated my life to giving them a carefree, fun childhood.
Perhaps the gift of non-attached giving is what only children bring into the world adding strength to the virtues of independence, but maybe not without the price of loneliness too? I don't really know, as I never had siblings to compare with and have lived alone since I was sixteen …
Just my thoughts, sorry, but you asked for them and since it looks like I am the only 'only child' here, I took the liberty of raving on a bit.
Hope the feedback is useful?
Lilla ...
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
And that's how you like him
Yeah the characteristics above are suppose to stay with you into adulthood. Hope you enjoyed reading the Birth Order Series.
Hi Lilla,
Yes I did and I loved reading your response. Food for thought?
Thanks for the visit and the comments.
Love & stuff
Mrs M