Mrs M
yoda76BIRTH ORDER - WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?
March 29th 2007 01:52
So, you’ve all read the characteristics this week and most of you who commented agreed with what Michael Grose and Miriam Stoppard had to say.
I think it is fair to say that first, middle, last and only born children all have their pros and cons. But what do we do with all this information?
Do we try and change our personalities so we eliminate all the ‘bad’ qualities. Is it even possible to do? Grose says that personalities are pretty set by the age of 5 or 6. I’m not psychologist but I’d like to think that there are aspect of my personality I could change if I wanted to – with some conscious thought and effort. But it these qualities, ‘good’ or ‘bad’ that makes us who we are.
Should we consciously pick people for our sporting teams, or hire particular people for jobs depending on their birth order? Should we change teaching styles to suit birth order? Should we pick our partners dependent on their birth order?
Grose says that two first borns might butt heads; two middle borns will always avoid conflict therefore never solving anything; two last borns will be full of great ideas but are unlikely to look at the consequences.
It is safe to say that birth order is not foolproof. Grose himself says that there are so many variables in determining a child’s personality. A first born child raised by two last born parents may very well be different to a first born child being raised by two first born parents.
The gender of the siblings has an impact on children. A boy with older sister(s) will more than likely feel like he has several mothers says Grose.
In my family I have one daughter (first born) and two sons (middle and last born). If I we onto have another child my last born will become a middle born so his personality will change. Also, depending on the sex of the fourth child, it will also affect my daughter (first born). Another boy will almost ensure that she will be drawn to male companionship in her adult life. A girl, will see her more ‘balanced’. But my question is, if personalities are set by the age of 5-6 (my daughter just turned 6) then another child shouldn’t have that much impact should it?
Personally, I do think that having another child will impact everyone individually as well as the family as a whole; which is why I have my doubts about personalities being set in stone by the age of 6.
Also, the age gap between siblings is also a factor. My brother for example has two children but they are six years apart. Grose says that siblings with a 5-6 year age gap will in fact result in two first born children.
And that is another point Grose brings up; there has been a trend for some years now for families to have 1-2 children. So what affect does that have on birth order and the world at large. We are certainly going have a lot more first borns than there will be other borns. And does a second born behave more like a middle born or last born? Grose says that all depends on the variables I have mentioned above.
Being aware of birth order I think is beneficial more to have an awareness of personality types and as parents help us not fall into 'traps' raising our children. But because so many things not even mentioned here determine a persons temperament, personality and motivation I think I would stop short of hiring someone on that basis of their birth order.
I think it is fair to say that first, middle, last and only born children all have their pros and cons. But what do we do with all this information?
Do we try and change our personalities so we eliminate all the ‘bad’ qualities. Is it even possible to do? Grose says that personalities are pretty set by the age of 5 or 6. I’m not psychologist but I’d like to think that there are aspect of my personality I could change if I wanted to – with some conscious thought and effort. But it these qualities, ‘good’ or ‘bad’ that makes us who we are.
Should we consciously pick people for our sporting teams, or hire particular people for jobs depending on their birth order? Should we change teaching styles to suit birth order? Should we pick our partners dependent on their birth order?
Grose says that two first borns might butt heads; two middle borns will always avoid conflict therefore never solving anything; two last borns will be full of great ideas but are unlikely to look at the consequences.
It is safe to say that birth order is not foolproof. Grose himself says that there are so many variables in determining a child’s personality. A first born child raised by two last born parents may very well be different to a first born child being raised by two first born parents.
The gender of the siblings has an impact on children. A boy with older sister(s) will more than likely feel like he has several mothers says Grose.
In my family I have one daughter (first born) and two sons (middle and last born). If I we onto have another child my last born will become a middle born so his personality will change. Also, depending on the sex of the fourth child, it will also affect my daughter (first born). Another boy will almost ensure that she will be drawn to male companionship in her adult life. A girl, will see her more ‘balanced’. But my question is, if personalities are set by the age of 5-6 (my daughter just turned 6) then another child shouldn’t have that much impact should it?
Personally, I do think that having another child will impact everyone individually as well as the family as a whole; which is why I have my doubts about personalities being set in stone by the age of 6.
Also, the age gap between siblings is also a factor. My brother for example has two children but they are six years apart. Grose says that siblings with a 5-6 year age gap will in fact result in two first born children.
And that is another point Grose brings up; there has been a trend for some years now for families to have 1-2 children. So what affect does that have on birth order and the world at large. We are certainly going have a lot more first borns than there will be other borns. And does a second born behave more like a middle born or last born? Grose says that all depends on the variables I have mentioned above.
Being aware of birth order I think is beneficial more to have an awareness of personality types and as parents help us not fall into 'traps' raising our children. But because so many things not even mentioned here determine a persons temperament, personality and motivation I think I would stop short of hiring someone on that basis of their birth order.
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Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Comment by JaneD
Yellow Brick Road
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Thanks for the info. I agree there is no hard and fast rule about personality and birth order. The more I read the more it seems, just like your husband said, nature and nuture play close to equal roles.
Thanks for the visit and the comment.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Andrea
V8 Supercar Pitstop
In all honesty, I believe that if you lable a person and tell them how they should be behaving or thinking or feeling or whatever then, ultimately, that is how they will begin to behave.
Tell someone enough times and they will begin to believe and adapt.
If you look closely enough at anyone you can see signs in their behaviour that support all these theories but that doesn't necessarily mean that it is as a result of their place in the family.
All people, all children, are different.
An interesting subject and informative post.
A.
Comment by Candice
I think I'd agree with some parts of it but I don't agree that birth place would shape personality type that certainly. There are lots of different things that determine personality besides birth placing but its' definitely worth looking at how it can influence a person and their relationships.
Really interesting stuff!
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Self fulfilling prophecy. Good point. And it has been proven.
When I first started reading up on birth order I have to admit I was a little surprised at how accurate it was, in regards to my siblings and me. I think there is something in it, but families are forever evolving - blended families, smaller families etc so I wouldn't base all my decisions on it.
The only other thing that I consider is when I look at my daughter (the eldest) she does take on the motherly role without any direction from me. I understand that she just likes to be like me but "responsibility" is considered a first born trait. I do start to wonder what the 'real' reason for their behaviour is. Birth order, or role play.
Hi Candice,
Absolutely agree.
Thank you ladies for the visit and the comments.
Love & stuff
Mrs M