Mrs M
yoda76I MUST HAVE FAITH IN MY PARENTING SKILLS
February 8th 2007 02:07
This is another one of my articles that has been published. This one featured in the Dec/Jan 2007 issue of Sydney's Child and Melbourne's Child. Enjoy!
My mantra: I must have faith in my parenting skills. I must have faith in my parenting skills.
Even though it may seem that those essential life skills and values that I am trying to instill into my children are falling on deaf ears, I must have faith in my parenting skills.
I need to reassure myself that my words of wisdom are permeating those little eardrums. Through a process, not unlike osmosis, they are learning and they will, one day, behave accordingly.
I take a moment to ponder and think back to when I was a young thing. I think about my relationship with my mother. I remember how she often tried to “teach” me something or other. Even though 16 years ago I pretty much dismissed all she had to say, I now find myself now behaving just like her… in more ways than one. Not only am I sounding like my mother I am finally doing those very things she asked of me all those years ago.
There are, of course, many situations where my mother and I butted heads. “That skirt is too short, that music is too loud and that boy is too old”.
But, curiously, there was one scenario where my mother didn’t take issue with me. Looking back on it now, it was like she had the foresight to see how it would play out.
Allow me to explain.
My mother every night would ask me to help out and put the dishes away before I went to bed. I never did. Why? Well let’s be honest, I was simply too lazy. And I knew when morning came my mother would do it. But here I am today in charge of my own household and I find myself always put the dishes away at night – just so I don’t have to do it in the morning. I only now understand and fully appreciate the enormous daily task she undertook to raise her family and run the household. If only I knew then…
Although I now feel guilty for my indifferent approach in helping my mother, I realise that I have now stepped into my mother’s shoes and I will be facing those same trials and tribulations with my children. It’s only natural after all.
I often daydream about my future household and what it will be like when I have certain expectations of my teenage children and they of course have differing views.
It is important that I remember how I felt during the various stages of my adolescence. Putting dishes away and having a clean house just wasn’t important to me. After all, it wasn’t my house and it is difficult to take pride in something that isn’t yours. But what my mother may or may not have known is that I had grown accustomed to living in the house and home she shaped. And when I hit the big bad world, suddenly I found myself setting the same standards for myself.
Parenting is about teaching our children about life. And life extends beyond the realms of my household; my household is however the ultimate training ground. My children may not get it right or even seem to want to get it right, but once they leave the safe haven of my home, I need to believe that those skills I tried so hard to instill will surface.
Just like my mother had tried with me.
My mother should take heart, she may not be have been the one to benefit from my what seems like my new found diligence, but her legacy will live on, long after she is gone.
My mantra: I must have faith in my parenting skills. I must have faith in my parenting skills.
Even though it may seem that those essential life skills and values that I am trying to instill into my children are falling on deaf ears, I must have faith in my parenting skills.
I need to reassure myself that my words of wisdom are permeating those little eardrums. Through a process, not unlike osmosis, they are learning and they will, one day, behave accordingly.
I take a moment to ponder and think back to when I was a young thing. I think about my relationship with my mother. I remember how she often tried to “teach” me something or other. Even though 16 years ago I pretty much dismissed all she had to say, I now find myself now behaving just like her… in more ways than one. Not only am I sounding like my mother I am finally doing those very things she asked of me all those years ago.
There are, of course, many situations where my mother and I butted heads. “That skirt is too short, that music is too loud and that boy is too old”.
But, curiously, there was one scenario where my mother didn’t take issue with me. Looking back on it now, it was like she had the foresight to see how it would play out.
Allow me to explain.
My mother every night would ask me to help out and put the dishes away before I went to bed. I never did. Why? Well let’s be honest, I was simply too lazy. And I knew when morning came my mother would do it. But here I am today in charge of my own household and I find myself always put the dishes away at night – just so I don’t have to do it in the morning. I only now understand and fully appreciate the enormous daily task she undertook to raise her family and run the household. If only I knew then…
Although I now feel guilty for my indifferent approach in helping my mother, I realise that I have now stepped into my mother’s shoes and I will be facing those same trials and tribulations with my children. It’s only natural after all.
I often daydream about my future household and what it will be like when I have certain expectations of my teenage children and they of course have differing views.
It is important that I remember how I felt during the various stages of my adolescence. Putting dishes away and having a clean house just wasn’t important to me. After all, it wasn’t my house and it is difficult to take pride in something that isn’t yours. But what my mother may or may not have known is that I had grown accustomed to living in the house and home she shaped. And when I hit the big bad world, suddenly I found myself setting the same standards for myself.
Parenting is about teaching our children about life. And life extends beyond the realms of my household; my household is however the ultimate training ground. My children may not get it right or even seem to want to get it right, but once they leave the safe haven of my home, I need to believe that those skills I tried so hard to instill will surface.
Just like my mother had tried with me.
My mother should take heart, she may not be have been the one to benefit from my what seems like my new found diligence, but her legacy will live on, long after she is gone.
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Comment by yoda76
The Tube Blog
Comment by Candice
That's a really lovely way of looking at things and a reflection of how you care for your children - and your family!
Congrats on getting your article published. Well deserved, I really enjoyed reading it too.
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Thank you both for your comments. They are much appreciated.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Ash
Flashes of memories
Only a few years ago did I realise how much I took for granted. I also think that parents can learn just as much from their kids as their kids can learn from their parents. Mums set the precident for the kids to build upon...maybe my view is a little naieve and will change when I have kids of my own one day.
I enjoyed your writing though...if only we were blessed with hindsight hey
ash
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Thank you for your kind words. I totally agree. I have learned a lot since becoming a parent and that is because my kids teach me a lot. I know that kind of sounds like a sappy hallmark card but it is true.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by MelissaA
Fun Facts
I didn't even realise you were writing stuff for that publication. I stopped picking it up a while ago - maybe I should start again!
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Thanks for the visit.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
A really thoughtful post. Certainly made me think, but then I have a loooonnnnng drawn out and painful history with my mother, that doesn't bear thinking about. Needless to say, I am nothing like her in raising my children - well the bad parts - of course, I'll emulate any good I can find.
I remember reading somewhere that as long as you question your ability as a mother, you are a good mother. It's when you stop that you should take stock...
Good Adivice I thought.
*hugs*
Lilla
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
How you just described your relationship with your mother is how I would describe mine with my father.
Having said that, he never questioned his parenting skills which in no uncertain terms bugged the hell out of me - which is why I often think about what I'm doing with my kids.
Thanks for the visit and the comments.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
I love your posts on parenting - See, parenting came early to me, but in the form of animals, not children. After a friend of mine had a baby she said, "mate, why did you never want kids?" I pionted at the rescue avery. "See a silver eye? It needs feeding every 20 mins. A budgie every 40 mins, a sparrow every 30..." She exploded, "You dont have to feed a baby that often!" I just nodded sagely and let her work out for herself the sleepless nights Id had. Not just birds either - we rescue just about everything.
Ive always idolized my mum - A warrior woman who stood up against the odds to raise me when dad 'left'. Now Ive found out that we had no money because she cant manage it, that she brainwashed me on lies regarding my father (whos not even my REAL father! I was a sperm donor baby!) and that everything that went wrong was in some way, directly her fault. Having been raised almost exclusively by her Im terrified to have kids - In case I do to them what she has done to me!
But no one get the wrong idea - I love mum, Im trying to help her learn to manage money, forgive herself, and move on. Im talking to dad for the first time in years. Oh, my psychiatrist would be so happy.
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
My goodness don't you have a story. Sometimes when we look back at all the crap we went through growing up it makes me wonder how we ever managed to survive it and come out relatively normal.
I think about it all the time. Trying my damnedest to not make those mistakes.
I used to have cats growing up. And pets certainly teach you about love and the kind of selfless love that a parent has.
Thanks for the your kind comments. Your visit is much appreciated.
Love & stuff
Mrs M