Mrs M
yoda76MY DAUGHTER THE FEMINIST
July 30th 2008 02:59
Can I use that word….feminist and the act of feminism? I’m almost too scared in light of last weeks active debate. But I won’t cower away and hide because there’s a challenge ahead. Feminists don’t do that. So I say loudly, my daughter had her first moment of feminism last night. And I almost wept with pride.
Let me set the scene. Mr M was wiping down the kitchen benches and we were taking jibes at each other….can’t remember for the life of me why now…. Anyhow, I was just about to call him an Arse when my 7 year old daughter walked in so I curbed my language and called him a Bum.
My daughter didn’t quite hear what I said, which I thought was quite clever of me but Mr M decided to “clarify” what I had said. So without consulting the filter in his brain he blurted out, “She said Mum. I’m doing mum jobs”.
“Cleaning the kitchen isn’t just a mum job”, says my 7 year old. Oh, how I love her!
So Mr M started to back track and tried to say that she’s right; cleaning the kitchen isn’t just a mum job. And I’m sure you’ve all got a mental picture in your head right now of Mr M, shovel in hand, digging a bigger and bigger hole for himself.
My 7 year old walked off with confirmation from both Mr M and I that she was right; cleaning the kitchen isn’t just a mum job.
But on a more serious note, my daughter at just 7 already knows that anyone is capable of cleaning the kitchen. And that gives me warm and fuzzies on the inside.
All this talk of feminism in the last few days has been quite explosive here on Orble. You know what I hope for? When my sons and daughter grow up, issues like cleaning the kitchen isn’t a gender issue. It’s a relationship issue. It’s about negotiation. It’s about choice.
Having the freedom to make a choice is what feminism is all about. With choice, comes responsibility. No doubt. But last I looked, no gender was deemed more responsible than the other.
Maybe, just maybe one day the world won’t be deemed patriarchal or matriarchal; it is just too divisive.
How about we aim for a gender democracy…. Gendocracy? People-arcal? Is there a word out there for this? If not, let’s find one.
Let me set the scene. Mr M was wiping down the kitchen benches and we were taking jibes at each other….can’t remember for the life of me why now…. Anyhow, I was just about to call him an Arse when my 7 year old daughter walked in so I curbed my language and called him a Bum.
My daughter didn’t quite hear what I said, which I thought was quite clever of me but Mr M decided to “clarify” what I had said. So without consulting the filter in his brain he blurted out, “She said Mum. I’m doing mum jobs”.
“Cleaning the kitchen isn’t just a mum job”, says my 7 year old. Oh, how I love her!
So Mr M started to back track and tried to say that she’s right; cleaning the kitchen isn’t just a mum job. And I’m sure you’ve all got a mental picture in your head right now of Mr M, shovel in hand, digging a bigger and bigger hole for himself.
My 7 year old walked off with confirmation from both Mr M and I that she was right; cleaning the kitchen isn’t just a mum job.
But on a more serious note, my daughter at just 7 already knows that anyone is capable of cleaning the kitchen. And that gives me warm and fuzzies on the inside.
All this talk of feminism in the last few days has been quite explosive here on Orble. You know what I hope for? When my sons and daughter grow up, issues like cleaning the kitchen isn’t a gender issue. It’s a relationship issue. It’s about negotiation. It’s about choice.
Having the freedom to make a choice is what feminism is all about. With choice, comes responsibility. No doubt. But last I looked, no gender was deemed more responsible than the other.
Maybe, just maybe one day the world won’t be deemed patriarchal or matriarchal; it is just too divisive.
How about we aim for a gender democracy…. Gendocracy? People-arcal? Is there a word out there for this? If not, let’s find one.
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Comment by tlcorbin
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Comment by Mrs M
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Mr M is excellent with doing his fair share of the housework so I'm really glad it's sinking into our kids without having to really talk about it. It's just a given in our house.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Mrs M
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I'm happy to let creatures do their thing, but not on my kitchen counters.
We've got a resident blue tongue lizard in our yard and if it manages to keep bugs from coming into my house, then it is most welcome.....as long as it stays outside.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Jayne Kearney
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I applaud you for jumping into the fray with your wit and wisdom . I also look on with hope at your fabulous daughter and her intrinsically egalitarian view of the world - maybe her generation will be the ones to get it right!
Beautiful work.
Jayne
Comment by Joanne Fedler
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I get proud when my children talk about marrying 'a him or a her.' My son (who is the most brutish of boys) says, 'the only boy he'd consider marrying is Max because Max doesn't mind being hugged.... but I'll probably marry a girl anyway...'
Jo
Comment by alt_ed
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And it's good to see that your daughter is developing her own ideas... I think Mr M should start preparing himself now for when she hits puberty-- I think she could be a bit of a headache lol
I remember when my nephew (hes 8 now) asked why my partner and i weren't married.. Then asked why don't we.. and then said he'd like to be the little boy that minds the rings.
It was really cute
alt_ed
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Your daughter is one smart little cookie.
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My 7 year old walked off with confirmation from both Mr M and I that she was right; cleaning the kitchen isn’t just a mum job.
You're right, it's her job too, she ought to clean the kitchen.
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Comment by yoda76
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It's cool, Ahmed. Mum cleans the bathroom. I'll take the kitchen any day
There is no doubt in my mind.
Comment by Lara M
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Gendocracy sounds good to me
Comment by Sara Dobson
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More evidence you are a fantastic mother
Comment by Michaelie
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Well done to you both, as a couple of people mentioned, this is a great affirmation for you as parents.
Michaelie
Comment by Morgan Bell
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your daughter sounds like a winner!
Comment by postmoderncritic
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It's lovely to hear that your daughter is so progressive... all the best to your entire family.
Comment by Mrs M
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As for jumping into the fray....it was hard to stay out
Hi Jo,
I was actually surprised when she said it. She's obviously at a stage where she is making sense of the world around her faster than I realise and sometimes I surprised how much she already knows.
Hi alt_ed,
My 5 year old son asked my friend why her boobs were small. I think I'll take your nephews questions anyday
Hi Ruby,
Mr M came up with Gendocracy. And he didn't want me to put it in.
Bi-archal is good. Uni-archal?
Hi Louie,
Ignorance breeds contempt. I agree with you.
I don't know that my daughter yet sees her comment as a mark of independence, even though it is. We've really tried to impress on all our kids that we're a family and we all chip in around the house because that's fair. So at the moment I think it's a fairness issue for her. Which again comes down to a feminist issue because feminists just want equality, choices and fairness.
Now to get my son to say the same comment....
Hi Ahmed,
All the kids dust on a Saturday. Baby steps....they'll all be cleaning the whole house soon enough
Hi Johnny,
Glad to have brought a smile to your face
yoda,
I'll take a bathroom over emptying bins.
Hi Lara,
Thank you so much. It is nice to know that something of what we say sinks in
Hi Sara,
You are too kind.
Hi Michaelie,
We're a part of the revolution. If truth be known, if my mother knew that Mr M cleaned the kitchen she'd have a heart attack and fear that he'll divorce me because I was a hopeless housewife. Very old school my mum.
Hi Morgan,
Just keeping the movement going
Hi PMC,
Thank you so much for you lovely comment. I hope that one day she doesn't see herself progressive but just normal. I hope we shift the goal posts and maybe just maybe she can read about feminism as a movement in a bygone era.
And she can make comments like, "can you imagine having a parliament dominated by men? How is that representative of society?"
Thank you to each and every one of you. What a great response.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
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Actually, I think all kids are until they're taught otherwise.
I remember cracking my Dad (and my Mum) up when I was 8 or so; one of his friends asked me jokingly if I was going to make dinner for all the guys. I replied, in all seriousness: "That wouldn't be a good idea. I take after my Dad, and he's a horrible cook."
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Comment by Dianna G
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That's wonderful. Personally I make my men do all the work....
But I'm just lazy.
~Dianna
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Comment by Mrs M
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So have you learned to cook yet D?
Hi Anon,
Thanks for the comment.
Hi Dianna,
Lazy or just clever?
Hi Damo,
We try.
Thanks for the visit everyone.
Love & stuff
MrsM
Comment by Mrs M
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We'll we've all got to be something.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
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Had to learn how, though--wasn't born with it.
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A little bit of both.
~Dianna
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Janet
Comment by Mrs M
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My sons are 5 and 2 1/2 years old. Fingers crossed they turn out the same way. In fact, part of me thinks I should concentrate on them more, in terms of equality, than teaching my daughter to fight for it.
My 5 year son and and my daughter have the same chores and they share them so here's hoping we have the same result with the boys.
And Mr M is very good in helping around the house so they shouldn't pick up any bad habits from him.
Thanks for the visit Janet.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Lilla
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I read this post of yours days ago but couldnt find time to comment properly and possibly turn this divine post into a debate *chuckle* ... finally today though, a moment ... but only one.
Smart to raise your girls to expect the man of the household to be a part of the household, I mean it's not like they are toiling away in the fields all day anymore, is it?
...and with more and more women surrendering their children to all the horrors and joys of day care in order to enter the work force? The household has become less of the domestic homeground assigned to women of olde, hasnt it?
These days, I think each household must be case sensitive.
Its all redundant in a way, anyway .. I mean, the roles blurring at the edges?
Id say that you are raising a daughter of the future. A place where (hopefully) feminism in its original sense will be as dead and meaningless as the Old Testement is in the 21st century, not only where women are concerned, but men(s roles) too.
...and so it goes ... no housework skills you men?
No relationship.
Lilla ...
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Comment by MelissaA
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Sometime when I and the Mr get to jibing each other, we just get told by our 9 year old to stop fighting with each other....
Comment by Mrs M
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Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you.
I also hope that feminism in its original form will be dead and buried.
As for the roles being blurred I'm not so sure. I was guilty of taking on more housework when I had my first. She was an easy baby and it really did feel like I had hours on hand since I was no longer working. So I took on more housework. But then the baby became a toddler...and then we added another baby and etc.
And I so many mothers who all fall into the same trap.
So before I knew it I had to make a point of renegotiating to housework division. But Mr M is wonderful so it was no hassle.
And yes, each household needs to be case sensitive. Just listening to the mums in the playground is testament to that....no two households are the same.
The stories I hear
Hi Melissa,
Does she send you to your room?
Love & stuff
Mrs M
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Comment by Lilla
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It gets easier as they get older and you can delegate... and not that our house is perfect, but I offer it here as a living example of possibility considering all are all busy at my place with our individual activities and no one person responsible for it all. (Although I agree with you that it does fall to a woman usually during the early days of raising children)...
In our house outside of the set roles of who does what on the big satruday morning clean ups where everyone mucks in to do their bit in service to the house which services us (bathrooms (me), vacuming (dad), washing(dad), Hanging of clothes (all), bringing in clothes and folding (all their own), moping(me), changing beds/cleaning bedrooms & vacuming them (each person their own); there is the ongoing stuff - and now that the dishwasher is again operational - we work on a first-in takes the responsibility basis.
That is to say; if you put something in the bin and its full, you empty it.
If you take water from the water cooler and its below the low mark, you go get the rainwater to fill it.
If you get to the dishwasher and you cannot put a dish in because its full, you add the soap and put it on.
If you get to the dishwasher and you cannot put a dish in becuase it is clean and needs unstacking, you start unstacking.
If you are somewhere else in the house and you can hear another family member unstacking, you go and help them.
If you want to eat some of the meal, you have to partake in some small part of its making (even to setting the table).
If you make a mess, you clean it up.
There is no punishment for not doing these things, but then there are no luxuries either - things like eating, lifts, outings, parties, activities etc - if they are not done.
As I said, not perfect, but it does keep us all from being maids and from exhaustions door, and at the very least, no one feels that they are being taken advantage of.
Lilla ...
Comment by Miswanderlust
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What a wonderful story to keep in the coffers for later. I would like to applaud the M household for doing your part to encourage independence as well as interdependence. This is the basis of feminism not what the media would portray. Hugs all around! Thought that I would pass this video onto you guys as an adult discussion starter What is Feminism?
Much admiration and friendship
Mis
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Break that ceiling!
Comment by L
Ism's are the past. Getting along is the future.
L
Comment by Mrs M
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No. 10 on our chores list is 'If you make a mess, CLEAN IT UP!'
I hope that my household runs like yours when everyone is older.
I don't give pocket money for chores because I'm of the opinion that you do chores because we all live together in this house so we are all responsible for this house.
And my kids are starting to realise that Saturday's can be very boring if I have to do all the housework because we run out of time to go to the park.
I don't want to put too much emphasis on keeping a tidy house at the expense of fun time at the park, but I just don't think clearly when the house is cluttered.
Hi Mis,
What a great video. I like the guy at the end. He seems nice
I've realised talking with other mums that Mr M is quite a find.
Hi yoda,
18 million cracks and still not enough? How many does it take? A bigger hit? One more crack?
Hi L,
Spread the love
Love & stuff
Mrs M