influence - parents or siblings

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Mum's Word - October 2007

WHO WAS A BIGGER INFLUENCE – PARENTS OR SIBLINGS?

October 15th 2007 02:25

Back in the day when you were a little tike who do you think shaped you into the person you are today – your parents or your siblings?

Michael Grose (author and parenting guru) says "We usually take our personality cues from the sibling above us." Is this true for you?

I have two siblings – one I spent a lot of time with and one I didn’t. They both helped shape me. I did share a bedroom with my sister who is the sibling above me. I could say that she influenced me more than my brother did just by the sheer volume of time I spent with her. Not that I’m a clone of my sister but we have far more in common than my brother and I.

But I’d say that my brother did influence me in a different way. He helped shape my opinions of how I think siblings should relate – just because he wasn’t around much.

Looking at my sister I can see how my brother influenced her – not so much that she followed his example, but more that she rejected it.

But my brother is the eldest, who influenced him? My parents….definitely. But I wonder if he is at all influenced by my sister and me? Did he get anything from us or did he feel like he had to always give?

From my point of view, I don’t think I’ve influenced my older brother or sister in any way. In fact, for a very long time I didn’t feel like I was taken seriously at all. So maybe Michael Grose is right, the older siblings influence younger siblings; not the other way around.

My siblings did help shape what I liked about popular culture – an area parents didn’t even get a look in.

But if I examine myself, my personality, the very thing(s) that make me who I am, I’m not sure I could say that my siblings have it over my parents; or the other way around. They each taught me different things, and they all taught me the same thing.

When does the influence stop?

Having said all that, I need to turn my attention to my kids. So does that mean I need to raise “good” kids not just for themselves, but for the younger siblings too?

Just the other day Jordan, my eldest (6), and Alex, my middle child (4), were negotiating the usual way children do. Jordan says to Alex, “If you don’t play with me then I won’t be your best friend” (honestly where do they get this?).

Alex replied with, “Aaawwwwww Jordan”.

Is this a personality defining moment?

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Posted By: Mrs M - Category: Children

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Comments

26 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by yoda76

October 15th 2007 02:33

The Tube Blog

I got what I wanted to be from my elder siblings, and mostly what I didn't want to be from my parents.

It's a pretty even split.

Comment by Michaelie

October 15th 2007 02:57

Flick Wit

I'm the eldest, with two younger brothers. I was definitely influenced most by my parents - even when I didn't want to be - but I don't think I was influenced too much by my brothers. I think my youngest brother was influenced a lot by my other brother, but neither of them were influenced much by me, at least, not past the age of about ten.

I remember asking both my brothers when I was about seven what it was like for them to be a middle child and a youngest child. That now seems like a very odd thing for a seven year old to ask to me, but at the time I was very concerned with the differences in our perspectives!

Nice post, Mrs M.

Michaelie

Comment by James Rickard

October 15th 2007 03:01

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Check this out...

I was an older brother but, I'm still not sure how much influencing I did. Good topic, good post, and interesting comments!

Comment by Mr Nice Guy

October 15th 2007 03:10

Pop Culturist
Pop Rock Factory

WIthout getting too bogged down with the whole depends thang - I guess the fundamentals are still learned from your parents - while honing those skills on your siblings is the fun part.

Looking at my kids - you can see core values, beliefs and attitudes - how they 'flex' these makes them special.

It's when they realise there's strength in numbers that you have to be on your mettle.

Nice post

Comment by Louie

October 15th 2007 03:13

Climate Red
randomthoughts
Phil's Wellness Tips

Def parents......Brothers and Sisters are better to fight with tho

coz you can win sometimes

cheers

Louie

Comment by Damo

October 15th 2007 08:30

It was television

Comment by Mrs M

October 15th 2007 12:39

Mum's Word

Hi yoda,

You turned out alright.

Hi Michaelie,

That now seems like a very odd thing for a seven year old to ask to me, but at the time I was very concerned with the differences in our perspectives!

Love it. How perceptive of you. Did they have an answer for you?

Hi James,

You probably influenced more than you realised. That could be the beauty of it.

Hi MNG,

It's when they realise there's strength in numbers that you have to be on your mettle.

But I'm still bigger....for the time being.

Hi Louie,

Brothers and Sisters are better to fight with tho coz you can win sometimes

I didn't win until I was in my 20's because only then I could baffle them with my intelligence. I'm the only one that got a degree so I'd throw those big words that mean nothing at them just to baffle them.

Hi Damo,

Your family members are a television?

Thanks everyone. I've loved the comments.

Love & stuff
Mrs M

Comment by Lilla

October 15th 2007 22:53

From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
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Hi Mrs M,

Another great question, although this one is easy as I am an only child, so I cannot compare...although I gre up with two very close friends and we fought all the time ... does that count?

Lilla ...

Comment by Michaelie

October 16th 2007 01:42

Flick Wit

No, they didn't. They were six and four at the time, and had no idea what I was on about. I don't think much has changed in latter years. Lol.

Michaelie

Comment by KylieW

October 16th 2007 05:48

Celebrity Obsession

Mrs M - that's a good one. I'm the eldest and have a younger sister. And I'd say we both influenced one another. My dad was in the Air Force, so by the time I was 15 I had lived in 3 different countries and gone to 8 schools. We always seemed to move during school holidays, so often we'd arrive in a new place and my sister and I would only have each other for company.

We are very close, probably closer than most siblings (heck, we bought a house together and live together at the moment). And even as the older sister I know that when it has come to some big decisions, I'll always run it past her to get her opinion....usually we're of the same mind.

But a lot of our attitudes were a result of our parents. Our outlooks on life and our attitudes to the world around us were defintiely influenced by our parents.

So I think that parents have a hand in shaping all their kids, but siblings also influence each other.

Comment by Ash

October 16th 2007 10:02

Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories

Hi Mrs M

an interesting question. I am the eldest by a few years so was pretty much an only child for a while. I don`t really have the same outlook on life as my parents either.

I think the person who influenced me the most was my grandmother. I lived with her for a long time and spent most of my time with her when I was growing up.

I know I get blamed for my youngest sisters bouts of instability and insane moments ... so I must be doing something right as an older sibling

Ash

Comment by Aimzster

October 16th 2007 12:57

Health and Beauty
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First Time Mum

Mrs M, even though I'm the third child, I would have to say my parents were more of an influence than my older brother and sister were. The siblings above me are quite docile, easy-going - nothing seems to really bother them. On the other hand, I'm temperamental, very quick to anger and impatient - traits I got from my dad whom I admired when I was very little. I have a younger sister by 4 years who, unfortunately, was influenced by me because I was apparently the more dominant figure in her first four years, much more so than my parents. But as much as people influence you throughout your life, I also believe there are certain personality traits you were born with.

Comment by Anonymous

October 16th 2007 15:11

Great post, Mrs. M! I think that I had a good enough foundation in life because of my parents. I greatly appreciate all their hard work for us, their daughters, even if there are troubles coming our way. Also, to my aunt who influenced me to be a teacher.

Bernadette

Comment by Bernadette

October 16th 2007 15:13

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Comment by Mrs M

October 16th 2007 15:15

Mum's Word

Hi Lilla,

does that count?

Only you can answer that one. I know my 2 best friends influenced me. I suppose it also helped that one of them was my cousin.

But what about your children?

Hi Michaelie,

That is funny. So what's it like growing up with two younger brothers? Did it get scary in the teenage years? I have a girl (eldest) and two boys. I often wonder what it will be like for her.

Hi Kylie,

You are the exact opposite of my life's little philosophies; siblings - after a while you just shouldn't live together anymore. My brother and sister and I get on better now that none of us live together. And if we ever went back, I'm sure we'd kill each other.

But it's good that you and your sister are that close. As a parent I would like my kids to all get on and actually like each other's company.

Did you enjoy moving around so much?

Hi Ash,

I know I get blamed for my youngest sisters bouts of instability and insane moments ... so I must be doing something right as an older sibling

LOL. You should tell your parents that it's not really your fault, it's just the natural order of things

Hi Aimzster,

I know I get my personality traits from my parents. I'm stubborn and passionate just like my dad but I do hold the polar opposite view to him on just about everything. My mother taught me to be respectful, kind and giving.

I probably formed my opinions of the world through my siblings....as well as my parents. I'm getting lost.

I have a younger sister by 4 years who, unfortunately, was influenced by me

Is it really that unfortunate?

Thanks all, that was great.

Love & stuff
Mrs M

Comment by Bernadette

October 16th 2007 15:23

Article Dime
Tips in 365 Days
Flick Picks
Quotable Quotes
Laugh 'Til You Drop
Band on the Run
Fashion 101
Robust Beauty

"It was television" - Damo

Very influential, esp for kids nowadays!

Comment by Mrs M

October 16th 2007 15:30

Mum's Word

Hi Bernadette,

Also, to my aunt who influenced me to be a teacher.

I think you've just inspired my next post.

Thanks for the comment too. It's good to read positive comments about family relationships.

Love & stuff
Mrs M

Comment by Lilla

October 16th 2007 21:57

From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop

Absolutely Mrs M,

They have been the single largest positive influence on me, out of everyone I have ever been influenced by. I have tried very hard not to be a negative influence on them and certainly have tried never to discourage them the way my parents discouraged me... I think that is perhaps the biggest responsibility a parent shoulders during their role as a parent.

I always try to be supportive, even when I don't wholeheartedly agree with their choices...I think my eldest is strongest though because she always talks me around and then I realise just how sensible she is, and how narrow minded I have become... often due to my parents influence still asserting itself on me...yes, my children have helped me to grow heaps, no doubts about it.

I'm sure you will travel a similar path too, having parents from the 'old school.'

Lotsa luv
Lilla ...

Comment by Miswanderlust

October 17th 2007 02:52

Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy

Hands down my parents. My sister and I are not close. We are polar opposites. Being the eldest and freer spirited...my younger sister rebelled by being more sullen and irritable. (and after all of these years this has not changed). My parents are close to both of us and are wonderful people. My grandparents were an important part of my raising. We did not watch a lot of TV! Great post

Mis

Comment by Michaelie

October 17th 2007 04:00

Flick Wit

I think having two younger brothers made me closer to my mother, because I was the eldest and the only other female in the family. But I was still always close to my brothers. We always fought a lot (still do sometimes) but the storm always passes quickly and we slip back into an easy relationship. Sometimes we can be in the middle of a frenzied argument, and one of us will suddenly say something that catches everyone off guard, and all the tension just dissolves into laughter. A lot of our fights end that way now, instead of in a jumble of limbs rolling about the floor. I think it helps that we are all fairly close in age too. Do you think your daughter, being the older sister of two brothers, is closer to you?

Michaelie

Comment by Mrs M

October 17th 2007 04:34

Mum's Word

Hi Lilla,

I realise just how sensible she is, and how narrow minded I have become... often due to my parents influence still asserting itself on me...

I recognise this in myself too and I really don't like it. I really try to constantly remind myself how I was as a teenager.

But I agree with you too about the influence that my children have on me. I think that's because you and I open ourselves up to that possibility. Unlike our 'old school' parents

I think you and Bernadette have inspired my next post.

Hi Mis,

My brother and sister sound you like you and your sister. They just don't get on, never have and now they just tolerate each other.

In my case, I really think my parents failed my siblings because they didn't step in to try and foster some sort of relationship.

Hi Michaelie,

Thanks for sharing that. I do feel that my daughter is closer to me. I feel really bad that she doesn't have a sister....but that's my issue...she may grow up and not care that she doesn't have a sister. Only time will tell.

Love & stuff
Mrs M

Comment by AmyHuang

October 17th 2007 06:41

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Love Adventures

Interesting comparison.

My input - considering I didn't grow up with my parents, nor did my sister help as I was the older one - I think I was more influenced by my peers and surroundings. Although now watching my sister - I've probably influenced her more than my parents - and it's a good feeling when you know your sister looks up to you

Comment by TwentySomething

October 17th 2007 06:59

Both for their own reasons:

Parents: How to be good

Sibling: How to be bad without mum and dad finding out!

Comment by Lidia

October 17th 2007 08:06

You ask some good questions. I think everyone we meet in our life influences us...some with a bigger influence, others with a smaller influence. My older sister has definitely influenced me in some things but we are such different people at the same time.

Comment by Mrs M

October 17th 2007 13:23

Mum's Word

Hi Amy,

it's a good feeling when you know your sister looks up to you

As long as you use your power for good and not evil

Hi TwentySomething,

Absolutely spot on there. Bingo!!

Hi Lidia,

I think everyone we meet in our life influences us...

Very true. Some many people and experiences make up who we are. One experience can change the course of history.

Thanks for the visit and the comments.

Love & stuff
Mrs M

Comment by Miswanderlust

October 18th 2007 02:14

Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy

Mrs. M
I agree. My parents never fostered a sibling relationship. My dad was an only child and my mom was not close to her siblings.
Mis

[ Previous - MOMENTS, CHOICES AND PEOPLE ]

[ Next - LOVE VERSUS MONEY - Absent Parent or Diligent Dad? ]

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