Mrs M
yoda76KIDS EVALUATE PARENTS
April 27th 2007 02:26
This week Mr M and I filled evaluation questionnaires and the results were pretty much as we thought. There were no surprises – good or bad.
Parenting is hard but rewarding. I know that sounds like an old worn out cliché but it is accurate.
Parenting is full of sacrifices – implying that I’m giving up something. Well yes, but I do get something in return – if there was no pay off there would be no sacrifice to begin with.
Parenting is full of frustration from within the family and from the outside world. Frustrations from within the family are tolerable and forgivable. Frustrations from the outside world less so.
Parenting is relentless.
The key factor in all of this is the children. Every decision made in a family household revolves around the children. So it makes sense to ask them how they think we are faring.
I asked my six year old daughter whether she thought we were doing a good job; was there anything that was making her sad; or frustrated? Did she think we were fair? Do we adequately explain ourselves? Did she think she was missing out on anything? Was she happy?
And I’m glad to report that we passed her evaluation.
When I tried to ask my 4 year old son the same questions he just wanted to know if he could play computer and eat chicken sticks. When I pressed him to answer my questions first and then he could play computer, he looked at me and said, “yes mum, you a good job. Can I play computer now?”
Can I just say, it’s a startling thing to see yourself in your children. Telling me exactly what I want to hear so he can get on with playing the computer is my modus operandi. It’s how I used to have myself heard. I know it’s not a trait unique to me, but it is a big part of me.
I digress.
As I was putting my daughter to bed last night my daughter said to me, “being a parent is hard work isn’t it? Daddy has to go to work every day and you have to look after us during the day and there are three of us and only one mummy. Being a kid is easier”.
We all know that being a kid isn’t always easier and I told my daughter that we can talk more about being a kid later. But for the moment I was satisfied with the job I was doing. My daughter was enjoying being a kid. Current evaluation over.
Parenting is hard but rewarding. I know that sounds like an old worn out cliché but it is accurate.
Parenting is full of sacrifices – implying that I’m giving up something. Well yes, but I do get something in return – if there was no pay off there would be no sacrifice to begin with.
Parenting is full of frustration from within the family and from the outside world. Frustrations from within the family are tolerable and forgivable. Frustrations from the outside world less so.
Parenting is relentless.
The key factor in all of this is the children. Every decision made in a family household revolves around the children. So it makes sense to ask them how they think we are faring.
I asked my six year old daughter whether she thought we were doing a good job; was there anything that was making her sad; or frustrated? Did she think we were fair? Do we adequately explain ourselves? Did she think she was missing out on anything? Was she happy?
And I’m glad to report that we passed her evaluation.
When I tried to ask my 4 year old son the same questions he just wanted to know if he could play computer and eat chicken sticks. When I pressed him to answer my questions first and then he could play computer, he looked at me and said, “yes mum, you a good job. Can I play computer now?”
Can I just say, it’s a startling thing to see yourself in your children. Telling me exactly what I want to hear so he can get on with playing the computer is my modus operandi. It’s how I used to have myself heard. I know it’s not a trait unique to me, but it is a big part of me.
I digress.
As I was putting my daughter to bed last night my daughter said to me, “being a parent is hard work isn’t it? Daddy has to go to work every day and you have to look after us during the day and there are three of us and only one mummy. Being a kid is easier”.
We all know that being a kid isn’t always easier and I told my daughter that we can talk more about being a kid later. But for the moment I was satisfied with the job I was doing. My daughter was enjoying being a kid. Current evaluation over.
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Comment by DuskDevi
Rucks and Rolls
Rugby World Cup 2007
This needs to be set in stone.
...and that's the point really.
This is something we say and have said to our children...enjoy being a kid...you'll be an adult for the rest of your life...and if you're lucky...you'll have always have your inner child.
Another excellent post and...
Someone once said (could be me but I'm not sure)...if you don't want to hear what your children are saying, pretend you're talking to them...!
Having said that...our children do let us know that as parents, we're doing fine.
Very humbling.
much warmth Mrs M
Dusk
ps. Your son?...more like you or is a paduwan??
Comment by Candice
What a great thing to do with your children! Sometimes I guess it would be easy to forget to stop and check in on how they see things. I hope I have discussions like this with my daughter when she's a little older.
I'm glad too to hear your daughter is enjoying her childhood - that she's happy I would agree is definitely the most important thing! I had a giggle over your son's response too!!
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Animal babies apparently take on their 'parents' traits too....My cat Xiara has long been described by all as 'just like her mommy' and her personality is SO like Teshans....For a cat and a horse, its pretty amazing to have identical personalities. They are my longest owned animals, females. The other night when Najara(the mynah bird) was stealing from Kman he remarked "Shes a bitch like YOU! Youve raised yourself a bloody mini me!"
And mums animals are all mighty nervous obsessive compulsive....Like her! And she puzzles over the difference like its a great mystery!
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Funny...but true.
I've noticed that more with my 4 year old son. He doesn't necessarily come out and tell us, but for example when all of a sudden getting him to set the table when it's his turn becomes a battle, I know something is bothering him.
My son is a bit of both. He does that repeating Jedi thing "but I can eat the chicken sticks mum". He tries to wear us down. Very cute, very frustrating.
Hi Candice,
I was reading a newsletter by Michael Grose and he suggested families hold weekly meetings to air grievances, discuss chores, family activities etc. Basically keeping the lines of communication open. That's where I got the idea from.
If there is one thing Mr M and I talk about from our childhood was how busy our parents were that sometimes we didn't go to them to talk because they were so busy. I don't want my children to feel that so I have to make a conscious effort to ask them.
It's true what they say about learned behaviours from your parents. My parents weren't great communicators. They just plodded along. I'm very conscious of my parenting style, hence the blog. This is where I nut out my thoughts.
Hi Kleonaptra,
That cracked me up. Have you explained it to your mum?
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Nickoftime's Sanity Corner
parenting has to be the roughest sport out there and the hardest game to win...because you are molding young lives and minds...
I look back now and realize that indeed I was a horror to my parents no matter how hard thet tried...Had I been able to give them an evaluation they would have both gotten gold stars! Congrats on bein a good Mom...
Take care,
Nick
Comment by yoda76
The Tube Blog
Here's hoping you turn pro soon.
;o)
Comment by Andrea
Diet and Health
V8 Supercar Pitstop
An insightful and intelligent post, as always.
... well said. And you're right, that is exactly what it is all about. We should all remember to ask our children regularly if they are happy because quite often we just take it for granted.
In fact, I might just sit down with my two this afternoon and see just how I'm faring at this vocation I've chosen for myself. I reckon I'm doing a pretty damn good job but ... well ... I guess I'll just have to wait and hope I get confirmation. Strasight from the horse's mouth, as they say!
Have a fabulous weekend, Mrs (and Mr) M.
A.
Comment by Andrea
Diet and Health
V8 Supercar Pitstop
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
When I was pregnant with my first my dad said to me "now you're going to see what it's like to be a parent...now you're going to see..."
My parents will tell you I gave them unnecessary grief...I disagree..but this is my dad's "payback".
Hi yoda,
Professional parent?
Hi Andrea,
Good luck with the evaluation. There is a moment when you hold your breath and think "what if she says nah mum, you're doing a crap job".
I suppose that's something we have to expect. I expect I'll be hearing quite a few more grievances as the kids get older.
Thanks everyone for the visit and the comments.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by yoda76
The Tube Blog
Professional blogger... I know you can make a living out of this kind of writing.
I'm pretty sure once the teens hit, you won't need to ask if you're doing a good job. The info will be volunteered. Pretty sure also that by that stage, you may not want to hear it...
;o)
Comment by Lilla
Enviro Warrior
An Extra Ordinary Life
Dream Herald
*Yoda76 You crack me up* but your words are so true...
Mrs M, it's teenage that you will get your true evaluation, so bask in it now, while you can *chuckle*
It's when Dusk's words become clear as bells ...
It's the only thing that will save you. In fact, in my case it is what annoys me the most now too, becuase I think : Wow can't she think for herself, does she have to repeat all my "wisdumb" *lol* ... I get so tired of hearing myself... but more of how I have been interpreted and misunderstood... so I have to agree, and gently elaborate it further.
That's when I realise that your words are as powerfully true as they come, becuase that's when a parent realises how much our children actually DO elevate us by becoming the living end of our ideals, words and expressions... That's when I realise that dedicating my life to making their childhood and teenage extra special, was/IS worth every single drop of life that it continues to extract from me... and with one disabled child, that is quite considerable ... but as you well know, every sacrifice is better than ten moments without them.
You sound like you're doing very well yourself.
Well done!
...give yourselves a pat on the back...
Lilla ...
Comment by yoda76
The Tube Blog
It's nice to get some confirmation every now and then from someonw with older kids that you're somewhat on the right track and thiking clearly ;o)
Often hard to see the laughter for the screams...
;o)
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
It's probably why I was brave enough to do it
I can't imagine what it is like to have a disabled child - the impact, the reward, the appreciation of life.
There's a little girl at my son's preschool who has Downs Syndrome. I don't what it is about her but she just demands your attention. It is like she makes a grand entrance and it's not because she's different. When I see her, a smile always comes across my face.
Last year when I made the short film with the kids, she couldn't participate like the other kids so we had a special role for her and she really caps the film off.
And that's the biggest compliment of all.
Thanks for the kind words Lilla.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Ahmed
techy.Bytes
Video Gamer Kids
Little Green Foosballs
PolyKicks
Qwerk
Cinema Three
They're so gonna get it now.
Anyways, it's fun being a kid... when you're playing computer
You think kids want more? Nope, they just want to play computer, if you let them then they'll love you (and play computer).
You so gotta get 'em a GameCube or something (definitely not a Playstation).
Comment by yoda76
The Tube Blog
Yes, I do own a Windows Computer...
;o)
Comment by Ahmed
techy.Bytes
Video Gamer Kids
Little Green Foosballs
PolyKicks
Qwerk
Cinema Three
I wonder if the fact you work at Microsoft's equivalent in digital editing and whatnot will get you to the front page, sine you own a windows computer at home which is by all manners of thought is considered sin.
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
My sincere apologies - Hawkesbury show is over and we both missed it! I meant to check the internet but I saw no local advertising, and Sat afternoon we were on the way to the feed store when I saw a sign that said - free show parking. I began to get a sinking feeling....Then I saw the ferris wheel. I cant tell you how depressed I am that I missed it - Ive missed ALL the shows for this year! Im so pissed off! Its against natural law for them to have had no local advertising, I live 5 mins from the oval for godsake! We are moving this weekend and lifes way too busy - DAMN DAMN DAMN.......
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Thanks for trying. Much appreciated.
Hi Kleonaptra,
I'm feel bad for you that you missed the show.
Good luck with the move though.
Love & stuff
Mrs M