Mrs M
yoda76LOVE VERSUS MONEY - Absent Parent or Diligent Dad?
October 11th 2007 01:53
G'day readers, Mr. M here (most of you know me as yoda76) - Mrs M has asked for the night off and invited me to write something for her precious blog.
I am honoured, and while I may not write quite as elegantly as Mrs M, I will do my best
There is something that has been playing on my mind a lot lately, and that's the eternal struggle of the work vs family balance. Allow me to elaborate:
I work. A lot.
Regular readers will know that Mrs M and I have three gorgeous children, and we would both do anything for them.
But see that's just the problem:
I want to be able to provide for my family, not have them want for anything.
I want Mrs M to be able to enjoy being a Full-Time Stay-At-Home Mum and Orbler for as long as she sees fit.
I want a successful career in my chosen field.
At first glance you might say - hey! That works out nicely for you! You work hard, have success, that should bring some financial security and therefore you have succeeded in providing for your family as the sole income-earner in the household. Very good, pats on the back and Coronas all 'round.
Here's the gotcha: hard work and success in one's career and as a parent both take one incredibly valuable asset, one that really can't be bought: a heckuva lot of time.
As a Full-Time Stay-At-Home Mum and Orbler, Mrs M works, too. Probably more than me. Difference is - she gets to see her children.
Too many days I have left for workin the morning before the kids rise and returned home after they have turned in for the night. Not conducive to a happy family from where I stand (although most nights it's collapsed in a heap on the couch by 9pm, but the view's much the same - just more horizontal).
What's the point of working my butt off to provide for a family I never see?
So what do I do?
Back off the hours at work - pretty simple, but I'm self-employed. Don't work, don't earn, don't eat. That ain't gonna work.
Work around the hours I get to see my kids. Tried working nights for a while, unfortunately in a house with three kids, sleeping by day really isn't an option (well, not with my kids anyway), and again - asleep while they are awake. Hmmm... no joy there.
Love to Live, Live to Work, Work to Live. How do I break the vicious cycle?
I truly have no idea. I guess what I do know is that the carefree laughter of my little girl eases the pain.
A little.
I am honoured, and while I may not write quite as elegantly as Mrs M, I will do my best
There is something that has been playing on my mind a lot lately, and that's the eternal struggle of the work vs family balance. Allow me to elaborate:
I work. A lot.
Regular readers will know that Mrs M and I have three gorgeous children, and we would both do anything for them.
But see that's just the problem:
I want to be able to provide for my family, not have them want for anything.
I want Mrs M to be able to enjoy being a Full-Time Stay-At-Home Mum and Orbler for as long as she sees fit.
I want a successful career in my chosen field.
At first glance you might say - hey! That works out nicely for you! You work hard, have success, that should bring some financial security and therefore you have succeeded in providing for your family as the sole income-earner in the household. Very good, pats on the back and Coronas all 'round.
Here's the gotcha: hard work and success in one's career and as a parent both take one incredibly valuable asset, one that really can't be bought: a heckuva lot of time.
As a Full-Time Stay-At-Home Mum and Orbler, Mrs M works, too. Probably more than me. Difference is - she gets to see her children.
Too many days I have left for workin the morning before the kids rise and returned home after they have turned in for the night. Not conducive to a happy family from where I stand (although most nights it's collapsed in a heap on the couch by 9pm, but the view's much the same - just more horizontal).
What's the point of working my butt off to provide for a family I never see?
So what do I do?
Back off the hours at work - pretty simple, but I'm self-employed. Don't work, don't earn, don't eat. That ain't gonna work.
Work around the hours I get to see my kids. Tried working nights for a while, unfortunately in a house with three kids, sleeping by day really isn't an option (well, not with my kids anyway), and again - asleep while they are awake. Hmmm... no joy there.
Love to Live, Live to Work, Work to Live. How do I break the vicious cycle?
I truly have no idea. I guess what I do know is that the carefree laughter of my little girl eases the pain.
A little.
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Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
If you own your own business, is sharing the load evenly at home and work an option for the two of you? Or would you both rather Mrs M be the one at home?
It was a great post, by the way!
Michaelie
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
Very touching post! I also am also a self employed mom.
Striking the best work-life balance
It isn't easy to juggle the demands of career and personal life. For most people, it's an ongoing challenge to reduce stress and maintain harmony in key areas of their life.
Here is one thing that I did that helped me
Keep a log. Track everything you do for one week. Include work-related and non-work-related activities. Decide what's necessary and satisfies you the most. Cut or delegate activities you don't enjoy, don't have time for or do only out of guilt.
Good luck friend. My heart goes out to you
Comment by KylieW
Celebrity Obsession
Great post. You're not alone either. I'm betting its a dilemma many people face. It's a tricky one. I personally like Mis' idea. I'm sure that we all spend quite a lot of time on things that aren't really vital or important. Could be that by identifying that you could work out a way to be able to spend more time with your kids.
Good luck. I'd say that the fact that you're even concerned about it, means you're a pretty damn fine dad.
One of the upsides of being single is that I don't have to worry about these things!
Kylie
Comment by yoda76
The Tube Blog
Unfortunately it's not quite that simple. I work in a field where I can't really slip someone into my place, and also Mrs M has been full-time Mum for 6 years now, so her earning capacity is quite low. I take a week off for her to work, and we lose money (in a way), but this is something we're working on - Mrs M has had several articles published this year, and I'm sure she's onher way to several more
Comment by yoda76
The Tube Blog
Comment by yoda76
The Tube Blog
Thanks, Mis. Great idea - I may just try that and keep you posted on the results
Comment by yoda76
The Tube Blog
Thanks. I guess I think back to howmuch my Dad used to work and they way I felt at the time. Totally get it now, but I hate the thought of my kids feeling the way I felt then.
Thanks for the words of support all - I'm sure I'm not alone on this one as a Dad, God knows there are plenty of working Mums out there... not that Mums don't work even when they don't 'work'
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
I thought that might be the case - was just trying to understand your personal position more. I echo Kylie's comment - I really feel for you in this situation but the obvious depth of your concern says a lot in itself. I think your kids will be able to recognise it too.
Michaelie
Comment by yoda76
The Tube Blog
Comment by Candice
I competely feel for you because my hubby goes through exactly the same thing and we spend hours saying there must be 'a better way' and concluding that there isn't.
I'm sorry I don't have any answers for you. We've tried various options - the shift work, both working part-time, etc etc. In the end, it just worked best for me to be at home and hubby at work. Financially speaking mainly.
I think in a lot of ways men who want to spend time with their families have it really tough. My hubby is often in tears over the lack of time he has at home, but the bills still have to be paid.
Good luck with everything. If you discover the secret, let me know will you??
Comment by yoda76
The Tube Blog
I'm not convinced there is a secret. I often wonder how family people get to have million dollar CEO jobs where they live and breathe their work 24/7.
Good luck to you and your husband - I'm starting to think about ways to 'work smart not hard', and I beleive that's probably the closest thing to a solution. We'll see how that goes over the next few months.
Thanks for the comment.
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
I was 18, doing my first certificate, travelling 2 hours there and back to do it, when the horror of the world truly hit me. I mean, Id always known it, but suddenly....
Id change trains at about 7am. Id see everyone - EVERYONE, still asleep, stumbling around the station, and Id think, this aint right. No one wants to live like this. So, why do we?
I heard somewhere, someone picked apart that comment of, "its not quantity time, its QUALITY time"
Because kids dont remember a weekend here or there of QUALITY time. The remember TIME. FULL TIME.
And, as adults, we all know thats true. You feel some resentment against the parent who 'wasnt there' no matter how much you understand why.
Im hearing you Mr M. Im working 8 hours a day plus 3.5 hrs travel to look after someone elses horses and not see my own five. But they have to eat. We all do.
It hurts. Its wrong. The world must change.
Lets all go on strike.
Comment by yoda76
The Tube Blog
Kleo, if you can organise 5 billion people to go on strike at once (that's the only way it'll work) - I'm so in!
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis