Mrs M
yoda76THE SURRENDERED WIFE. IDEAL?
June 26th 2007 03:29
Well I’m sure you’ve all heard about the hullabaloo about being a ‘Surrendered Wife’. American author Laura Doyle is the brainchild behind “The Surrendered Wife – A Practical Guide To Finding Intimacy, Passion and Peace With A Man”.
Recently there was a story on 60 Minutes and an article in Woman’s Day.
Now here are the simple rules. The wife surrenders herself to her husband. The husband makes all the decisions, takes control of the family finances and instructs the wife on her daily chores. But most importantly, DON’T NAG! Nagging is the downfall of any good marriage.
This little job description is very familiar to that old 1950’s guide to being a good wife.
I found some online forums on the subject and everyone on these forums were disgusted by these rules and thought it was a complete joke.
But there are women out there subscribing to this school of thought because Laura Doyle’s book is a best seller. I wonder if she had to ask permission from her husband to excuse her from her daily chores to write this book.
Laura is quoted in Woman’s Day saying that “Men don’t want to married to their mother”.
Skye Lamont who features in both the 60 Minutes story and Woman’s Day says that she’d rather iron the trouser instead of wearing them. She says, “I was domineering and controlling. I wanted to do everything myself and tell everyone around me what to do. I was in a relationship for 10 years and I was miserable. I made my boyfriend’s life miserable, too”. So the answer is to go the opposite end of the spectrum?
I don’t think that the decision making is the issue…something else is awry. A marriage is a partnership. Isn’t it unfair to lump all the decisions onto one person. Even if that person wants the responsibility, won’t that person one day crack? Who is going to step in and take over when that happens? The surrendered wife?
Having a household free of arguments does make it harmonious on the surface, but at what cost? What does it teach children? Home is the training ground. If a daughter sees her mother is nothing but ‘surrendered’ then what skills will that teach her? If she is not taught free thinking, critical thinking, freedom to air an opinion, how will she deal with the real world?
If a son sees that his father is waited on hand and foot, how will he handle it when he goes out into the real world and continuously gets slapped in the face by women?
As human beings can we even cope with surrendering ourselves? Doesn’t that go against our natural instinct?
Kids are forever trying to forge their way in this world and have their opinions heard, and respected and are often crying out to let them make their own decisions. How can you reverse the very thing that drives adolescents to show they’ve ‘grown up’?
Decision making is not a gender or a marital issue, it is a maturity issue. Not making decisions is just baulking your responsibility. Since becoming an adult and especially a mum the amount of decisions I have to make is stressful and tiring. Sometimes I wish someone else would just take on that responsibility but that would childish and irresponsible of me.
Just the logistics of it bend my mind. Every time one of my children asks to do something would I have to ring Mr M to make a decision for me? Even the best laid plans go down the tubes. Would I have to ring Mr M at work, disturb him, just so he can tell me what to do? Wouldn’t that get old after a while?
Are these women allowed ‘any’ decision making powers? Some of these women have been quoted as saying that they even let their husbands decide what they will eat at a restaurant. How does a couple have a decent conversation when one party has to remain tight lipped?
Would these husbands who are given way too much ‘power’ after a while begin to abuse it?
But as I said at the beginning of this post, the most important rule is to not nag. What did Mr M do when he felt overwhelmed by my ‘nagging’? He got me onto blogging.
Recently there was a story on 60 Minutes and an article in Woman’s Day.
Now here are the simple rules. The wife surrenders herself to her husband. The husband makes all the decisions, takes control of the family finances and instructs the wife on her daily chores. But most importantly, DON’T NAG! Nagging is the downfall of any good marriage.
This little job description is very familiar to that old 1950’s guide to being a good wife.
I found some online forums on the subject and everyone on these forums were disgusted by these rules and thought it was a complete joke.
But there are women out there subscribing to this school of thought because Laura Doyle’s book is a best seller. I wonder if she had to ask permission from her husband to excuse her from her daily chores to write this book.
Laura is quoted in Woman’s Day saying that “Men don’t want to married to their mother”.
Skye Lamont who features in both the 60 Minutes story and Woman’s Day says that she’d rather iron the trouser instead of wearing them. She says, “I was domineering and controlling. I wanted to do everything myself and tell everyone around me what to do. I was in a relationship for 10 years and I was miserable. I made my boyfriend’s life miserable, too”. So the answer is to go the opposite end of the spectrum?
I don’t think that the decision making is the issue…something else is awry. A marriage is a partnership. Isn’t it unfair to lump all the decisions onto one person. Even if that person wants the responsibility, won’t that person one day crack? Who is going to step in and take over when that happens? The surrendered wife?
Having a household free of arguments does make it harmonious on the surface, but at what cost? What does it teach children? Home is the training ground. If a daughter sees her mother is nothing but ‘surrendered’ then what skills will that teach her? If she is not taught free thinking, critical thinking, freedom to air an opinion, how will she deal with the real world?
If a son sees that his father is waited on hand and foot, how will he handle it when he goes out into the real world and continuously gets slapped in the face by women?
As human beings can we even cope with surrendering ourselves? Doesn’t that go against our natural instinct?
Kids are forever trying to forge their way in this world and have their opinions heard, and respected and are often crying out to let them make their own decisions. How can you reverse the very thing that drives adolescents to show they’ve ‘grown up’?
Decision making is not a gender or a marital issue, it is a maturity issue. Not making decisions is just baulking your responsibility. Since becoming an adult and especially a mum the amount of decisions I have to make is stressful and tiring. Sometimes I wish someone else would just take on that responsibility but that would childish and irresponsible of me.
Just the logistics of it bend my mind. Every time one of my children asks to do something would I have to ring Mr M to make a decision for me? Even the best laid plans go down the tubes. Would I have to ring Mr M at work, disturb him, just so he can tell me what to do? Wouldn’t that get old after a while?
Are these women allowed ‘any’ decision making powers? Some of these women have been quoted as saying that they even let their husbands decide what they will eat at a restaurant. How does a couple have a decent conversation when one party has to remain tight lipped?
Would these husbands who are given way too much ‘power’ after a while begin to abuse it?
But as I said at the beginning of this post, the most important rule is to not nag. What did Mr M do when he felt overwhelmed by my ‘nagging’? He got me onto blogging.
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