Mrs M
yoda76NO MORE CHILDREN FOR ME?
May 23rd 2007 04:41
Ever since I was a teenager I knew I wanted to have kids. 4 to be exact – 2 boys, 2 girls.
Currently I have 1 girl and 2 boys…and I don’t think I’m having anymore. And that makes me sad.
I really do feel that I’m pushed to the limit now with the three I have. And I don’t mean that is a bad way…I’m still being the parent and doing the things that I want to do with each of them. I feel, if I’m honest with myself, that if I had a fourth then everyone would suffer. I think all the things that I do with my children now will be compromised.
And since we are on the honesty road, I feel my time as a stay home mum is slowly losing its appeal. I am confident I can see my last child through to school before I return to full time work but I don’t think there is much more left in the tank after that.
Some may say that I can return to work and still have a baby – women do it all the time. Yes they do – but I don’t think I can; that will bring up a whole other range of issues for me.
I do feel like I have failed. I know this isn’t a pass/fail exam. But emotions are rarely logical. Obviously you can never predict how you will feel once you have children and I’m smart enough and honest enough to see that I don’t think I’ll reach my goal of 4 children. However disappointing…
Currently I have 1 girl and 2 boys…and I don’t think I’m having anymore. And that makes me sad.
I really do feel that I’m pushed to the limit now with the three I have. And I don’t mean that is a bad way…I’m still being the parent and doing the things that I want to do with each of them. I feel, if I’m honest with myself, that if I had a fourth then everyone would suffer. I think all the things that I do with my children now will be compromised.
And since we are on the honesty road, I feel my time as a stay home mum is slowly losing its appeal. I am confident I can see my last child through to school before I return to full time work but I don’t think there is much more left in the tank after that.
Some may say that I can return to work and still have a baby – women do it all the time. Yes they do – but I don’t think I can; that will bring up a whole other range of issues for me.
I do feel like I have failed. I know this isn’t a pass/fail exam. But emotions are rarely logical. Obviously you can never predict how you will feel once you have children and I’m smart enough and honest enough to see that I don’t think I’ll reach my goal of 4 children. However disappointing…
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Comment by Howard
Real Crash
Comment by KylieW
Celebrity Obsession
I'm impressed with 3. I don't know how you do it. I can barely handle the responsibility of pet ownership!! : )
You're no failure, that's for sure!
Kylie
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Oh yes...I do realise I'm blessed with my 3. Finances do play a big part...big BIG part.
Thanks for the visit and the comment.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
I did know everything as a teenager...I just know less now
I suppose I shouldn't use the word fail or failure because that's not correct.
I had lots of practice with my nephew - he was more like my baby brother - so I was confident going into the parenting thing. I didn't have those feelings of 'we've had the baby, now what?'
It's just one of those things, when you've held onto a dream/goal for so long only to find out that you're not going to meet it....does make for some introspective reconciliation.
Thanks for the visit and the comment.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Competitionqueen.com
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
When I look 20 years ahead I think that my kids would appreciate another sibling...but these are dreams of happy adult children all getting along...
You know (and I suppose this is the same for everyone) if I just knew that everything would be okay...that I'd eventually buy the house I want, have enough money to retire...then I wouldn't mind so much doing the hard yards now....
Thanks for your visit and your comments. Do you still feel like you made the right decision?
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
Wow I would be considered a complete failure then... I planned to be married and have at least one kid by now as well as being a successful Psychologist....
well I don`t believe in marriage anymore, I have no children and gave up Psychology years ago!
I suppose when we are younger we set ourselves these goals that we do not really put too much thought into with regards to reality and the vicissitudes of life so as we get older and these goals are not realised and our life takes a different path we begin to see ourselves for our shortcomings rather than what we have really achieved (which in all probability is even more than we could ever have expected)
I don`t know you but from what I do from Orble you seem to be pretty successful Mrs M (financially doesn`t count in this case... even if you are it doesn`t matter)... don`t put too much pressure on yourself... as long as you live life with no regrets then I reckon the path travelled is a good one. 3 happy bubs and a husband who obviously ADORES you is a GREAT path...
keep plodding Mrs M... it was the tortoise that won the race
ash
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
this was so heartfelt. Dont give up....Give yourself some time off and see how you feel in a year.
*Hug*
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Admittedly it is one of my character flaws...looking at what I don't have...it's not pretty but it's me.
You are absolutely right about dreams and reality and the key is to recognise that it is okay if life takes a different turn.
If I look at myself in terms of parenting I am pretty happy with how it is all going. I parent very differently compared to my parents so I think A LOT about what I'm doing.
Career? That's a bit of a downer at the moment.
Finances? Yeah right...let's not go there
This isn't so much of a whinge as it is an honest realisation. I do recognise that I am very lucky that I have a great husband and 3 kids that I actually like
This is just one of life's little lessons.
Thanks for the visit and your kind words.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
I've put a deadline on myself which is up next month. Maybe it is silly to do that...hopefully I don't regret doing it.
Thanks for the hug.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Like I said, wait a year before you decide. I once heard it said if women had to decide about future children just after having one there never would be any more!
Comment by Johanna
PCOS Mum
I am so impressed by your brood of three children. I have one and my husband and I were only going to have one, but he's started thinking otherwise.
I find it manic trying to work and bring up one baby to be a happy and healthy human so I have no idea how you successfully brought up three.
Don't be so hard on yourself, and don't set too much on your deadline. I was once told I wouldn't have children after 30 and my baby was born when I was 31. Deadlines, although extremely important particularly in our profession, can sometimes be extended.
Joh
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
You're right...I know you're right....can't I just be illogical?
Hi Johanna,
Nice to see you back. Love the photo, you look great.
It is crazy in my household and I do have to make sure that the brood I've got are happy before I add on.
I put a deadline because I am very conscious of age gaps and even though one year won't make that much of a difference when all the kiddies are grown it is important to me now...not just for the kids but for me as well.
I had my first when I was 27 so I didn't get to do a lot of things I wanted to do eg extensive travelling. So I have to do those things on the other end of having children...and again I don't want to be too old to go partying in Europe if you know what I mean.
I also put deadlines on myself because it is a sure fire way to get my butt into gear...another one of my character flaws....procrastination.
Thanks for the visit and the comment. Much appreciated Joh.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Wendi
Nothing in my adult life turned out the way I thought it would when I was a kid, so I certainly hope we're not basing our current success levels on our past visions. *chuckles*
On a serious note, should you stop at three, then you've reached a level of maturity some people never come close to reaching, and that's knowing your own limits and considering the well being of the whole.
That is a remarkable accomplishment. It's a much more sound approach than, say, flipping a coin! *giggles*
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
There is 9 years between me and my closest sibling and I have to say that I didn't enjoy it very much. Mr M is in the same boat - 10 years between him and his closest sibling.
Thank you for your kind words about being mature...sometimes I wonder if I'm mature or just a drama queen LOL.
This is the first time I've had to make such a momentous decision. My first pregnancy was an accident, even though I knew I wanted a family, it came along just a little sooner than expected
Did you enjoy growing up in a family of 4?
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Wendi
I come from a difficult past. My mom was single, so having four kids was a constant struggle for her. She did the best she could, but we suffered certain sacrifices and each left home with a few emotional/spiritual/psycholog ical scars. Family life wasn't the focus - survival was, and we each did what we had to in order to keep our heads above water.
We all turned out okay, for the most part, though. It just wasn't a two-parent family with any kind of financial security. Decisions weren't made, we just sort of fell into the future by default.
Comment by Sarah White
coolgirlsar to the rescue
One Too Many Chocolate Bars
Take Care.
Sarah. xxx
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
This decision about having another baby really is consuming me at the moment.
Growing up with seven siblings...WOW. And I don't mean that in a bad way. I love watching my three interact now...I keep thinking 'imagine if there was four'. Not just while they are kids, but more when they are adults.
Anyways....maybe fate can just step in and give me a sign
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Sarah White
coolgirlsar to the rescue
One Too Many Chocolate Bars
I know how you feel with the having another child and playing on your mind, I'm in a similar thought pattern at the moment too.
It's great having so many siblings and especially being the eldest as you get to witness all of their growing up more. I can't imagine what it must be like for my parents to see us all together but I do occasionally sneak a peak at them watching us when we are all together and see a smile on their faces.
Hoping fate steps in.
Take Care.
Sarah. xxx