Mrs M
yoda76I'm too young to have an old mum!
November 21st 2006 03:56
This week my mother turns 71. My mother is in her 70’s and whether I like it or not, the possibility that my mother could be dead in a few years is very real. At this stage there is no indication of that happening, but the problem with old age is that health is a difficult thing to predict.
She certainly isn’t the woman she was 10 years ago. Although she has never suffered any major health ailments, old age is catching up with her. She needs cataract surgery early in the New Year; the arthritis in her neck and wrist is getting worse; and she finds it more and more difficult to get over a simple cold. Yes, old age is catching up with her.
My mother was 39 years old when I was born. And my mother looked good for her age. Still does. But the fact that her skin has held up over the years can’t disguise the fact that she may not live to see me celebrate my 40th birthday. And it is almost certain that she will not live to see any of my children get married.
I had my first child, my daughter, at 27 years of age. 2 years below the national average for first time mothers. I had my third child, my second son, at age 31 - one month shy of my mother’s 70th birthday.
If my mother passed away tomorrow, my daughter would remember her. My son would have no recollection. Although 4 years does not seem like a long time when you are talking about your late 20’s, but for my mother in her 70’s it is a very long time indeed. Every year becomes more and more precious.
My fear is that my children will not have time to forge a long-term relationship with my mother. My mother and children already miss out on time together because my mother’s frailties compared to my children’s over abundance of energy don’t match. I suppose she can read to them – there’s nothing wrong with her mind but her eyes are failing her. She can tell them stories of when she was a little girl but my children’s attention span isn’t long.
Even if my mother lives for another 20 years, I fear the quality of the relationship between my children and my mother will still suffer.
I can already see a difference between my children and my brother’s children. My mother gave birth to my brother when she was 27. My brother had his first child when he was 27. The first grandchild (my nephew) is now 17. My mother has seen her first grandchild grow up – and she has been involved every step of the way. She was 54 when my nephew was born and was able to look after him while my brother and sister-in-law went to work. Something she could not do for me.
I do not begrudge my mother for this, she does what she can for me, but it is something I have had to deal with. It is one of the many things I have had to deal with having a mother who is nearly 40 years older than me.
I know there are mothers out there who for various reasons can’t have children until their late 30’s. I do not judge because I do not know you or your circumstances and it is not my place. My story here is merely my point of view of my circumstances.
Happy 71st Birthday Mum! Many happy returns!!!
She certainly isn’t the woman she was 10 years ago. Although she has never suffered any major health ailments, old age is catching up with her. She needs cataract surgery early in the New Year; the arthritis in her neck and wrist is getting worse; and she finds it more and more difficult to get over a simple cold. Yes, old age is catching up with her.
My mother was 39 years old when I was born. And my mother looked good for her age. Still does. But the fact that her skin has held up over the years can’t disguise the fact that she may not live to see me celebrate my 40th birthday. And it is almost certain that she will not live to see any of my children get married.
I had my first child, my daughter, at 27 years of age. 2 years below the national average for first time mothers. I had my third child, my second son, at age 31 - one month shy of my mother’s 70th birthday.
If my mother passed away tomorrow, my daughter would remember her. My son would have no recollection. Although 4 years does not seem like a long time when you are talking about your late 20’s, but for my mother in her 70’s it is a very long time indeed. Every year becomes more and more precious.
My fear is that my children will not have time to forge a long-term relationship with my mother. My mother and children already miss out on time together because my mother’s frailties compared to my children’s over abundance of energy don’t match. I suppose she can read to them – there’s nothing wrong with her mind but her eyes are failing her. She can tell them stories of when she was a little girl but my children’s attention span isn’t long.
Even if my mother lives for another 20 years, I fear the quality of the relationship between my children and my mother will still suffer.
I can already see a difference between my children and my brother’s children. My mother gave birth to my brother when she was 27. My brother had his first child when he was 27. The first grandchild (my nephew) is now 17. My mother has seen her first grandchild grow up – and she has been involved every step of the way. She was 54 when my nephew was born and was able to look after him while my brother and sister-in-law went to work. Something she could not do for me.
I do not begrudge my mother for this, she does what she can for me, but it is something I have had to deal with. It is one of the many things I have had to deal with having a mother who is nearly 40 years older than me.
I know there are mothers out there who for various reasons can’t have children until their late 30’s. I do not judge because I do not know you or your circumstances and it is not my place. My story here is merely my point of view of my circumstances.
Happy 71st Birthday Mum! Many happy returns!!!
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Comment by katyzzz
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If you need help have you thought about asking those who you mother was able to help and being very direct. My mother died when I was only 33.
I loved her for what she did for me growing up.
How much do we owe our children?
Not as much as you would prefer. I find this generation lacking in compassion and consideration.
Many have been born in far less favourable circumstances than you.
Count your blessings, is my view.
Life is a precious gift, your mother gave it to you.
There are things older people can do to improve their quality of life. Get involved and the benefits may well flow back to you.
Mine was a generation who understood the limitations of our parents. Your generation does not,
it's always give me more and odious comparisons.
Love your mother and teach your children to, and teach your children to love you. Things are getting worse "out there" not better.
She probably made more sacrifices and endured difficulties far in excess of anything you'll be asked to do.
It is an age of affluence and greed. Not just you.
But good on you for saying Happy Birthday Mum, try to escape your own follies.
I don't know how this will be received, they say only the truth hurts, this is what I feel about the younger generation.
I hope it has not been too much for you to tolerate.
Best wishes for a wonderful and long future with your Mum.
katyzzz.....I do hope we'll still be friends, you seem like a very genuine loving person to me, just iron out those negative views
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Of course we are still friends. I don't think I've made myself very clear. You are right. I am very appreciative of what my mother has done for me and I am very certain she has had a harder time of it than I have for a myriad of reasons.
In this day and age, I have different things to deal with. That's just a fact of life. There's no point in complaining - acknowledge it and deal with it (my mum taught me that).
I do count my blessings. So far my mother hasn't had any serious illnesses; she is still here; and she didn't give me any dodgy genes
What I should have said is that she is my mum and I wish she could be around longer - not so she could do more things for me per se. I'm not talking about entitlement. I just want her to see my children grow up and be proud of them, of me and of herself. She's my mum, no amount of time with her will ever be enough. I'm just a little more aware of her ailing health. I'm a little envious of my brother - he and his children have had more time with her.
I know that I need to think of different ways to cultivate the relationship between my mother and my children. My mother is more than willing and always makes time to sit with my kids. I suppose she is also heading into new territory. For example, she can't hold my baby for as long as she would like - and I know that my mum loves holding babies and singing to them. Things like that. Things that she used to be able to do are now a challenge.
I don't intend for this to be a competition of who is more hard done by, me or my brother. I am not about to begrudge my brother for any opportunities that were presented to him. He is my mother's child too and as a mother myself I know I would do what I could for every one of my children.
I'm very sorry to hear that you lost your mum when you were 33. I'm 33 next year and it's a scary thought.
And I'm glad you're not afraid to express your honest thoughts. I have great respect for people who do.
And as for my generation, I see your point of view. But I do believe that my mother kept me very grounded. It is very hard not be be humbled when she tells you stories of walking to school with German soldiers patrolling the streets. But that is something she always hoped we wouldn't have to endure. She never wanted us to have a hard life like she did.
I suppose the distinction is you want a better life for your children, you just don't want them to take it for granted.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by katyzzz
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only teasing, substitute girl.
You're a great thinker, wish I had been when I was your age.
katyzzz
Comment by Nina
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Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
You're absolutely right about dads. My dad was 41 when I was born. I don't know if it's because I'm a girl but I just have a natural affinity towards my mother over my father. Having said that, his issues are also different. He is no longer the biggest strongest man I know, but I think they are more his issues than mine. Does that make sense?
Thanks for visiting Nina.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by pammy
i loved the realation ship i had with my grandmother, it's sad that she won't get to see her grandkids as much, but at least she's lived long enough to see them
pam
Comment by Terrorbull1
I am an 'old' mum. I had my first son when I was 33, my 2nd son when I was 34 and my last son when I was 43.
I am now 50 and Matthew is 6yrs old.
I work at Vacation Care and the other day a little 5 year old girl said
'You cannot be Matthews mum'.
I asked her why, giggling to myself as I knew what was coming. she replied
'You are his grandma because you are too old to be his mum'...
.What could I say? arrrggghhh! children....don't you just love their innoncence... they are so honest arn't they?
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Grandmothers are cool!
Hi Terrorbull,
I'm glad you weren't offended by this post. Attitude is everything. If you don't see age as a disadvantage then it won't be.
But kids can be blunt can't they?
Thanks for the visit and the comment.
Love & stuff
Mrs M