Mrs M
yoda76TWO SETS PARENTS, TWO DIFFERENT SETS OF PUNISHMENT
April 21st 2009 02:40
An English health worker is standing by her "heartbreaking" decision to send her own son to prison after he became involved with drugs.
Mother Sends Own Son To PrisonA Taliban firing squad killed a young couple in south-western Afghanistan for trying to elope, shooting them with AK-47s in front of a crowd in a lawless, militant-controlled region, officials say.
Young Couple Shot Dead For Trying To ElopeThese are two stories that appeared on smh.com.au on Wednesday 15 April 2009. Both appeared in the World section. One above the other.
My aim is to not to jump on my soapbox about which act is a crime and which punishment is warranted. But it should come as no surprise that being raised in a Western country my whole life, the course the British mother took is more familiar, natural to me if you will.
But that’s exactly the point. What the Afghan parents did probably feels familiar and natural to them.
I know that the UN condemn honour killings and they should. Unfortunately in the world we live in the reality is it can never be properly policed. Well at least in the rural the rural areas that have no state police.
I have read some articles in the past year of honour killings occurring in the UK by Pakistani families; the perpetrators, mainly fathers and brothers, have been arrested and tried according to UK law.
Again, everyone will have an opinion and it is probably safe to say that most of you reading this will think that honour killings are cruel and unusual and barbaric forms of punishment and deterrents.
But these two sets of parents are similar in one way. They followed the law as their society had instructed them to. They didn’t keep the matter to themselves and deal with it in the home; they chose to adopt societal norms with regards to punishment and discipline. And both suffer life long consequences.
Now I know that’s not always the case. Parents do try to keep discipline within the home.
I just trying to stress that society has taught us to be acceptable; and what we know is familiar and would seem normal. Perhaps even to the point that we don’t question it.
What one country deems as a serious crime another doesn’t. Again, this is just an observation. We raise our children by what society dictates as normal. It is generally a minority that strays from those ‘rules’. Home births, home schooling, large families are not the norm anymore, although they seem to be making a comeback…or maybe that’s just a media beat up. That’s a whole other post.
We all survive on instinct. I know most mother’s instinct would kill or be killed for their children. I wonder how a mother copes with an honour killing. I wonder how a mother copes with being the one to send their child to jail. I wonder what a mother in China thinks if she is forced to abort a child because it is a girl.
How strong or familiar do societal norms and pressure have to be to override instinct?
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Comment by yoda76
The Tube Blog
Comment by Janet Collins
Acceptable Etiquette
The Social Critic
Janet Collins Blog
I don't know that I would be able to watch anyone being killed in this way, most of all a child of mine.
Comment by Aimzster
Health and Beauty
Reality TV
The Jeepney Stop
First Time Mum
Comment by Nevar
Is Why
He took sadistic delight in beating men, women and children, he was bi-sexual and a pedophile, furnished our home with items that "fell off a truck," he hated women and even tried to sell my mother, I never left him alone with my siblings if I could help it and I tried unsuccessfully to kill him. However the round in my rifle misfired more than once. I told him that it wouldn't the next time and defiantly took a beating without a sound or tears, just shed blood. But, it was a beating administered by my mother, he never touched me again.
That was normal for my life then. Although that same hatred fostered many problems, I have no malice for anyone. And hate for me is simply an absence of love towards another.
Intrinsic values of right and wrong have kept me at war with evil, bullies and crazy people, even my parents and myself.
What does that have to say about parenting; perhaps only that intrinsic values have a way of shining through more often than we think possible in spite of how we're raised, and makes us willing to face death at the hands of those that raised us, to stand up for what is just, good and right in this world of chaotic values.
We are collectively the sum of our past - parenting styles not withstanding.
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Comment by samaritan
Fringe Faith
Samaritan's Stories
Samaritan
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Never give up. There is always an answer to the question 'why?'
Hi Janet,
Absolutely watching your own child be killed would without a doubt be the most heart wrenching thing in the world.
I find it interesting that the British mother sent her son to jail. What are the chances that jail will rehabilitate him or forever send him down a path of crime. Jail time is a stigma you can't get rid of. I wonder if the mother was just sold on rhetoric.
Hi Aimzster,
I know exactly what you mean. My parents seem to be stuck in 1950's Greece because it's their last memory of the country. Modern day Greece is vastly different.
So mix their 1950's Greece with in modern day Australia and you get this hybrid...thing... that really doesn't fit into anything. Or does it? Does this hybrid make up a part of modern day Australia?
Hi Nevar,
Wow. Thank you for sharing your story. Sadly I suppose it's not very uncommon.
We are a collective sum of our past. That is very a fact.
When I was growing up my dad was no prize. My story doesn't compare to yours but mine would constantly scream at us, ridicule us, beat us when we were younger but he wasn't the only one. Talking to a lot of my cousins or friends, their fathers were the same.
Our fathers knew what their fathers taught them. Some even excused it, and still do, as normal. But I also saw families who functioned in a much less dysfunctional manner so I knew there was a better to be. And this wasn't normal.
Hi Kleo,
It only takes one person to start a movement. And courage.
Hi Samaritan,
Absolutely agree with you that it is difficult to stand up to an entire society. It does take a lot of soul searching to believe the way you see the world, and not the way you have been told to see the world, is what is right for you.
People like to belong. We don't like to be excluded. And what means more to us, our beliefs or our inclusion in a group.
We are complex.
Thanks everyone for the visit and the comments.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Lachy
However, the I believe problem with both the examples you raised is that they are people who have blindly accepted societal values without questioning how or whether they are useful in their own situation. It goes back to your last post - few people think for themselves, humans are a herd animal.
But they are both in a stupid, harsh environment - so isn't it predictable that they will act stupidly and harshly?
Ignorant people act stupidly. Stupid people act stupidly. People in harsh environments act harshly. Educated, smart people living in good conditions act usefully. So it is in our own interests to make things better for everybody.
These people are the product of the opposite, and therefore do the opposite.
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
How do you know to question these things. Is it instinct or some sort of exposure to another way of life.
You said it yourself, people are herd animals. We tend to follow the crowd and we find comfort in that.
Many books have been written on how children, from babies to teenagers, like routine, order and boundaries. But we need to challenge these boundaries. We may replace the old rules with new rules but we still have rules. That we will never escape.
Societies, this intangible thing, do change the rules. Slowly but over time you can see the undeniable change in what is normal. It's never static.
I find it interesting that people, me included, make lifelong decisions that in time probably won't hold a lot of water anymore.
We can only make decisions on the information we have available at the time but the information is neither complete nor perfect.
What else can do you other than live by your mistakes.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Lachy
That's the way it works - most people say 'baaa' and the occasional trouble maker says 'Hey, what?'.
Eventually people might listen (after a few rounds of sadistic persecution). Then all, of a sudden you're a saint or a millionaire (or you haven't got a head).
Seems to have worked out ok so far, periodic beheadings etc aside.
Herd life is easier. Contrary bastardry is more interesting. I dunno what's better for your kids - probably a bit of balance and a bit of judgement.
Comment by Candice
Lots of 'food for thought' Mrs M, I've been thinking about this issue ever since I read the post yesterday.
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
This issue is a huge one.
I read an article 2 days ago saying that the Chinese govt would throw people in jail if they commemorated the 1st anniversary of their childrens death after the earthquake last year.
So I hear you when it comes to civil rights.
My little post didn't even touch on the subject at hand. It is so dense with so much to consider and discuss.
But we should never stop thinking about what makes us who we are.
Love & stuff
Mrs M