Mrs M
yoda76MY LIFE IS PLETHORA
July 24th 2008 01:48
I’ve had a plethora of thoughts running through my head in these last two weeks. A plethora. I like the word plethora. Could I say my life is plethora?
Epiphany is another word I like. It sounds better than revelation. It sounds far more absolute. I like absolute too. So what is with my recent fascination with words? Well it becomes more and more evident that I need to choose the right words to express myself; especially to my children.
Logically we all know that as children grow older, the words we use and the actions we carry out determines the message we convey and the characters we help create. And that is how we end up with a life story.
I often think about my own life story. Mr M says that I should write my life story. I’m not altogether sure why? I haven’t done anything exceptional yet and although I didn’t have a rosy upbringing it was better than some.
I find it a little disheartening to see so many books on the shelves today that tell horrific stories of childhoods. And they have single word titles such as ‘Broken’, ‘Sold’, ‘Scarred’.
Joanne Fedler (Secret Writer's Business) has just released a book about domestic abuse titled Things Without A Name. It is a work of fiction but she has a long career in the field of women’s rights so this book would have plenty of truth about it. I haven’t yet read it.
These are horrific stories that need to be told. My story doesn’t fit into these categories but I have had to overcome some shit in my life (forgive the French but that aptly sums it up) to get to where I am. And my journey isn’t over but as I get older I can see my flaws. I need to constantly tell myself that I can write and I can write a 1200 word investigative piece with a decent line of argument that some editor will buy. Deep down I don’t really believe it, but I tell myself I can anyway.
And who can I attribute this flaw to? My father. He was flawed. He was very flawed. But his flaws have brought out my strengths too. I may doubt that I can write, but then I am determined to give it a go. My strength is perseverance. I wonder whether that strength would have manifested if I wasn’t challenged by my father. Does the end justify the means?
I want to be a good parent to my children. But I know I’m not perfect and I can see that my children are disappointed with me sometimes. It was inevitable. I don’t get upset about it. If I did then I would be setting myself for disappointment. 20 years is a long time to not disappoint someone.
So I’m wondering whether a little ‘hardship’ is actually healthy for us as people; to help us determine our strengths, to refine our strengths.
It’s fraught with danger I know. A difficult childhood can have devastating long lasting affects. But the stories in the books I mentioned above all have the same outcome; the storytellers came out the other end stronger people.
Legacy is another word I often contemplate. It’s meaning. It’s importance.
But the older get, the less I know.
I’ve realized I’ve come to a point now that I’m going to start having some ‘real’ conversations with my children. My eldest is 7 now and I can hear her mind ticking over. To be honest the reason I became a parent wasn’t because babies are so cute (even though they are); it was to have discussions with my children. Hear what they have to say about the world they live in.
Maybe I should write my story if for no other reason than to give my children insight into their mother.
Plethora….
Epiphany is another word I like. It sounds better than revelation. It sounds far more absolute. I like absolute too. So what is with my recent fascination with words? Well it becomes more and more evident that I need to choose the right words to express myself; especially to my children.
Logically we all know that as children grow older, the words we use and the actions we carry out determines the message we convey and the characters we help create. And that is how we end up with a life story.
I often think about my own life story. Mr M says that I should write my life story. I’m not altogether sure why? I haven’t done anything exceptional yet and although I didn’t have a rosy upbringing it was better than some.
I find it a little disheartening to see so many books on the shelves today that tell horrific stories of childhoods. And they have single word titles such as ‘Broken’, ‘Sold’, ‘Scarred’.
Joanne Fedler (Secret Writer's Business) has just released a book about domestic abuse titled Things Without A Name. It is a work of fiction but she has a long career in the field of women’s rights so this book would have plenty of truth about it. I haven’t yet read it.
These are horrific stories that need to be told. My story doesn’t fit into these categories but I have had to overcome some shit in my life (forgive the French but that aptly sums it up) to get to where I am. And my journey isn’t over but as I get older I can see my flaws. I need to constantly tell myself that I can write and I can write a 1200 word investigative piece with a decent line of argument that some editor will buy. Deep down I don’t really believe it, but I tell myself I can anyway.
And who can I attribute this flaw to? My father. He was flawed. He was very flawed. But his flaws have brought out my strengths too. I may doubt that I can write, but then I am determined to give it a go. My strength is perseverance. I wonder whether that strength would have manifested if I wasn’t challenged by my father. Does the end justify the means?
I want to be a good parent to my children. But I know I’m not perfect and I can see that my children are disappointed with me sometimes. It was inevitable. I don’t get upset about it. If I did then I would be setting myself for disappointment. 20 years is a long time to not disappoint someone.
So I’m wondering whether a little ‘hardship’ is actually healthy for us as people; to help us determine our strengths, to refine our strengths.
It’s fraught with danger I know. A difficult childhood can have devastating long lasting affects. But the stories in the books I mentioned above all have the same outcome; the storytellers came out the other end stronger people.
Legacy is another word I often contemplate. It’s meaning. It’s importance.
But the older get, the less I know.
I’ve realized I’ve come to a point now that I’m going to start having some ‘real’ conversations with my children. My eldest is 7 now and I can hear her mind ticking over. To be honest the reason I became a parent wasn’t because babies are so cute (even though they are); it was to have discussions with my children. Hear what they have to say about the world they live in.
Maybe I should write my story if for no other reason than to give my children insight into their mother.
Plethora….
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Comment by Aimzster
Health and Beauty
Reality TV
The Jeepney Stop
PS. My current favourite word : lackadaisical. Don't believe in it but love how it rolls out of my tongue.
Comment by Jayne Kearney
Writers In Writing (and other writing)
I always despair at those one-word-title books - the font of the title always seems to be the same and they have a picture of a sad-eyed kid on them. I believe these stories are valid and need to be told but I wonder if the current plethora of them has anything to do with titillation. Augusten Burroughs has succeeded in the 'misery memoir' genre - probably because of his humour. His latest is pretty damning of his own dad I hear.
I have read Jo Fedler's Things Without A Name and it's magnificent. I keep promising to review it but my own life is a plethora of half-finished book proposals, commissioned and on-spec bits of writing and washing like you wouldn't believe.
My eldest child is also seven and she is quite often disappointed with me. I, like you, believe that a less than perfect life is character building so I don't punish myself too much. My kids are loved and cared for and I know one day they will realise it. I have dragged out the old chestnut, "When I was a kid..." and when they see how tough things were for me growing up they sort of get over themselves.
Thanks for raising some interesting ideas... as to the idea of why we become parents - it's one of my pet topics and I'll be featuring it on my Webchild blog Really Long Link really soon.
Cool post
Jayne
Comment by Sara Dobson
Love Mate
Parents Precinct
The Travel Map
My Turn
A lovely thoughtful post, but one where I feel that you are beating yourself up a bit.
Lets get the writing bit our of the way, evidence that you can write would be
1. This great post
2. Artricles you have published in Sydneys Child
3. How popular is this blog? You always get great comments
4. I said so - I love this blog and I always read your posts.And very pleased when I see a new one there
In terms of being a parent, I don't know what goes on in your home obviously but are you sure your daughter is disapointed by you? Has she said? Are they her thoughts or yours?
I bet she is glad she has a great mum.
My parents have always been critical and I am sure that is why I have no confidence in myself. But I have come to accept now that my mother will never compliment me and my father will always say stupid things. I am not confident in my work life but
I am pretty confident that I am a good mum because I adore my daughter and she knows she is loved and thats all they need to know.
As for why people become a mum. I didn't even think about becoming a mum it just happened by accident so I just went with it!
Comment by yoda76
The Tube Blog
You're an even better wife.
And you're an exceptional Mum.
Certainly a better Mum than I am a Dad!!
I'm glad to see you writing again, too, Mrs M. Keep up the good work.
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
I don't believe that, but I do believe the best is yet to come.
Kids are kids, still bound by the ego - I have no doubt that they are very proud of you, even if they don't realise it yet.
Great post.
Michaelie
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
How long now? I want you to do me a favour. After you surface from the blur of the first few weeks....or months....whichever you prefer....I would love to know if the world seems different to you.
And write it down. It's fascinating stuff. That's my advice from one mum to another.
Hi Jayne,
You know you're name looked so familiar to me and I couldn't place it. And now I know why.....
Congratulations on the Web Child blog. I pitched two ideas to Sean about a blog...neither of which he liked. But he does buy my articles.
I've just spent the last half hour or so reading all your blogs. They're great. I can see myself in alot of what you write. And you share so much of yourself.
I used the "When I was a kid..." line too. I promised myself I wouldn't but I couldn't help it. My parents used to use it with me with not much immediate affect. But those little gems of "walking to school bare foot in the snow with the younger sibling on the shoulders....uphill both ways...." type stories tend to show their relevance later on.
As for why we have kids....here is my 2 cents. Deciding to become a parent is a very selfish act. It's a primal, instinctual act. My big question is when does it turn from a selfish act to a selfless act? Immediately after birth....later in life when you taxi them around?
Can selfish and selfless co-exist?
I'll pop by tomorrow.
Hi Sara,
You are such a sweetheart. If I could jump through the screen I would and give you a big bear hug.
I am pretty confident that I am a good mum because I adore my daughter and she knows she is loved and thats all they need to know.
I haven't seriously let my daughter down...then again we haven't really encountered any serious issues...yet. It's more the things that are important to a 7 year old. She wants to do craft together and there are days when I can't and I can see the disappointment on her face because she usually has that girly whimper "I don't want to do it by myself". So nothing earth shattering but more immediate disappointment if you can see what I mean.
My first pregnancy was an accident. Mr M and I always planned on having kids but not as soon as we did. So I don't know how I would have gone making that decision to finally take the plunge. Even with the second pregnancy, which was planned, when the two blue lines came up I hyperventilated.
yoda,
You're too kind.
Hi Michaelie,
I'm glad you like the post. I wrote it last night at about 11.30pm in a hazy fog of tiredness. I couldn't sleep until I wrote it all down and even when I read it this morning I didn't change any of it. Because even though it's not a perfectly structured post, I didn't know how to 'improve' on it. So it's bit jumbled.....just like my life
Thanks everyone for the visit and the comments. I love Orble.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by TimmyH
Tech News
Can you HACK it?
Genyration
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by D. Armenta
The Florida Keys and Everglades
The Black Sheep Chronicles
What constitutes bad manners?
The male mystique
Debate Fan
That's called accrued wisdom! You are wise beyond your years, Mrs. M., but then that's why you're the Mum on Orble.
--and, Jane K.--
Dead on!! SO dead on! Wow!
If I sat down and wrote an impersonal chronicle of my life experiences so far, I'm sure I could find a market--I've got a few of those "horrific" experiences back there--enough to titillate, I'm sure.
Difference is--I don't keep picking at the scabs. Most of them are so long ago it's like remembering a movie I saw once..no point in dwelling on things you can't change, or carrying a chip around and feeling like the world owes you special treatment for your suffering! Talk about selfish..also self-destroying!
I made it through because I have awesome parents; human beings, not Titans--and I knew that early. While they never had super powers, they were always there for me and always will be and I'd stake my life on it. They also tried their damnedest to be Titans, because they felt that was their duty as parents.
How precious is that??
Comment by D. Armenta
The Florida Keys and Everglades
The Black Sheep Chronicles
What constitutes bad manners?
The male mystique
Debate Fan
Comment by alt_ed
Pop Culturer
Alted Opinion
Your kid's a re lucky to have a mum as thoughtful as yourself, but if you're to kind to them will they lack the hardship that is character defining? This isn't a criticism, but a thought...
If it's the hardships in life that can be the biggest influence we're exposed to, how are we defined without them?
I think if I asked my mum, she'd just say with lots of hugs and kisses (but i think that's just her answer for everything... and it works most the time too!)
ta ta alt_ed
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
How are your buttocks today? Great word!!
Everyone has a story. I don't think I've come across anything who hasn't had some nasty things happen to them.
I agree that you shouldn't pick at your scabs, as you put it but it can't be dismissed either. Do you know what I mean?
My sister harps on about how she had it the hardest out of the three of us. Even Mr M has heard it enough times to send him troppo. But then if we start talking about it, my brother's wife pipes in with "yes, yes we all had it bad, get over it" and she's really dismissive. Which really pisses me off. It's like the more people that had it shit, the less severe the time had. What a load of rubbish.
So D, do your strengths arise from your hardships?
It sounds like you're parents are great. Can I move in with them?
Hi alt_ed,
Hugs and kisses are bloody fabulous. Your mum's got it.
Thanks for the visit alt_ed. I'm sure this post was a little more calm than what you've been used to in the last couple of days
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Ahmed
techy.Bytes
Video Gamer Kids
Little Green Foosballs
PolyKicks
Qwerk
Cinema Three
From the Simpsons movie, great film, you should watch. Actually kid friendly (except maybe the part bart skateboards naked but even that ends with an important life lesson).
Comment by yoda76
The Tube Blog
You've got buckleys of Mrs M watching the Simpsons Movie. I have been trying to get her into the Simpsons for about 10 years now.
Completely OT but this is cool:
Really Long Link
Comment by D. Armenta
The Florida Keys and Everglades
The Black Sheep Chronicles
What constitutes bad manners?
The male mystique
Debate Fan
Yes, of course my strengths come from my hardships. I'm not averse to talking about any of them, if it will help someone else. Or listening to someone else's, if it helps them.
That dismissive attitude infuriates me too! Lots have had it tough, and some tougher than others. All depends on the individual..it's certainly not a game of "Can you top this?"
As always, a very thought-provoking post, Mrs. M.!
-And not one mention of strained peas....
Comment by Joanne Fedler
Secret Writers Business
I took my son for an interview at a school this week - a private school (he is currently at a public school), which has a reputation for valuing the individual child. My son gets into a LOT of trouble at school - understimulated, short fuse, temperamental, and just down right hard-work he is, but he told me the other day 'school has crushed his soul,' which is what spurred me to take some action. The principal told my son that at his school, they handpick teachers and make sure they have wonderful teachers. He then went into some detail about how each class is taught by a specialist teacher in that subject, and asked my son, 'so what sort of English teacher will you get?' 'A perfect one,' my son replied.
Later, we were talking about how my son has been in a lot of trouble at school for talking back at the teachers and getting frustrated and losing his temper.
The principal, a wonderful gifted educator, said with immense compassion to my son, 'you have gave yourself away, young man when I asked you what sort of teachers we have here and you said 'perfect.' In your eyes, if something is not perfect, you think it is not good enough.'
Please, from one mother to another, will you accept my diagnosis, that you are a 'wonderful' mother. The fact that you are so self-inquiring and reflective about your parenting is the greatest gift you can give your children. You are also more than a 'good enough' writer, it's just that your life is very full of little people's needs and demands right now but that won't last forever.
You have spurred me to post one of the most moving things I've read in a long time. JK Rowling gave the commencement speech at the Harvard graduation ceremony. She writes with immense beauty about the gifts of failure, and hardship. I'm going to post it right now.
Have a huge hug
Jo
Comment by Ahmed
techy.Bytes
Video Gamer Kids
Little Green Foosballs
PolyKicks
Qwerk
Cinema Three
It's like, how can you NOT LIKE THE SIMPSONS!?
Comment by yoda76
The Tube Blog
I KNOW!!!
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
No I'm never going to watch The Simpsons movie. You know, they're just not that funny.
Hi D,
Strained peas.....yuk!
Hi Jo,
What a wonderful comment
Logically I know I can write, and if I put my mind to it I can write well. It does feel natural for me to write. But because of the lack of support from my father and lack of understanding from my mother I still have this sense of "can I really do it?" It's just a part of me now.
I can be the world's best procrastinator. But in a pressure situation I'll be the first to jump in and take the lead. I'm an oxymoron. It's what gives me spunk I suppose.
And I have to attribute my ability to self inquire to my parents. Dad was very strict so I spent a lot of time in my bedroom alone with my thoughts.
And maybe if I didn't think so much I would write so well..... and it keeps going and going. I'm getting dizzy.
I hope everything works out with your son and the new school. My sister in law had a lot of trouble with her son and school. He was deemed gifted and really needed to be stimulated to stay out of trouble. He was went to a school where one kid got a sticker, everyone got a sticker. I think he is the sort of person that thrives on competition.
I'm still not sure she has any answers, but he's 19 now and has finally settled down. He's very perceptive so conversations with him are great.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by alt_ed
Pop Culturer
Alted Opinion
It's just nice to be able to communicate with someone older without being belittled and threatened with a 20 gauge shotgun!!
(hugs and kisses times like a million)
alt_ed
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
You make me laugh.
Your comment
It's a great point. I did find it amusing that you qualified the comment with
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by alt_ed
Pop Culturer
Alted Opinion
Don't panic... I don't even know if we have a differing opinion here- I mean really who would want to deliberately be mean to their kids? I just thought i'd pose the idea seeing we were talking about defining character etc.
Morgan will tell you i'm just being 'difficult'- you'll either learn to love me, or want to borrow S.L's shot gun
xox alt_ed
P.s. whats the 'stuff' bit comprised of?
Comment by Ahmed
techy.Bytes
Video Gamer Kids
Little Green Foosballs
PolyKicks
Qwerk
Cinema Three
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Well, Love & stuff started back in highschool. It was more of a throw away line. Like we were too busy to use words.
But as I got older I thought that signing off with just Love wasn't enough so stuff seemed to fill that void.
So, stuff is essentially whatever you need to feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.
Hi Ahmed,
You'll live, I'm sure
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Jayne Kearney
Writers In Writing (and other writing)
Thank you for your gorgeous compliment about me getting the blog. I was so thrilled to get it as Sean had rejected a few of my pieces prior to that.
I also see a lot of myself in what you write which is why I subscribed to this blog. Your 'To Do' list blew my mind as it was so like me. It is so bizarre (and thrilling) when someone writes something that sounds as if it has come out of your own mouth. It's one of my motivations for writing.
Thanks so much for stopping by my other blogs - I'm trying to build an audience over on the Web Child site and I am super-envious of the hits you get on this one.
And this post has inspired me to dust off my piece about why we have kids. I spent all last night on it so look forward to it this Friday. I hope you enjoy it. It was one of the first pieces of writing I seriously pitched (and had rejected by Sean and other eds!) It has taken me on a wild ride and actually led me to the few little gigs I have now so I think I'd better get it out for a showing. Thanks for inspiring me to pursue it.
My daughter is also seven and I disappoint her with my own lacksadaisical approach to crafts and other child-like things - but I do read to her every night!
I shall look forward to seeing you often.
Jayne
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
What a great post friend. I tell my 22 year old that he can use all of my mistakes as fodder for his memoirs then I laugh maniacally for impact. He rolls his eyes every time.
When I was a teenager, my grandmother and I were on a family vacation in my parents’ RV. The quarters were close, the beds at a minimum. My grandmother insisted I take the couch and she take the floor. I objected to this arrangement, of course: "What if I accidentally step on you in the middle of the night?" She reiterated: "Step on me. Please."
“How absurd,” I thought. It wasn’t until I had my own child that I understood. To some degree, every mother wants her children to be perfectly comfortable, perfectly protected, perfectly happy -- no matter what sacrifices she might have to make.
Parent Guilt is a doozy isn't it?
Comment by yoda76
The Tube Blog
Throw in a liberal dose of Catholic guilt, and there is no hope.
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Parent Guilt....there ain't nothing like it.
Yeah, I usually end up giving up some of my dinner so the kids can have seconds, I always let them crawl into bed with me and I've even slept on a cold hard floor with a bowl they could throw up into. I think I would have rather been stepped on
I often wonder how much of how we all turn our is our temperament/personality and how much is 'nurtured'. Is it 50/50 or maybe 70/30?
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by L
Muz,
You can write.
So do it.
L
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
I'll make like a Nike ad!
Love & stuff
Mrs M